I'm an ARTIST!

When I read the title of this post, I say it in my brain like Shrek says, "I'm an ogre! Yaaaarrr!" so you should say it like that too. Just so you know.

So, it's Friday night and I'm sitting at home alone, watching Dateline and decided I should share with you all of my amazing artwork. You see, over the past month or so, I've developed quite the talent. Lewis and I have been taking an Art for the Elementary Classroom class together, and pretty much I am rocking it.

Well... compared to my previous artistic abilities, that is. I am rocking it compared to those. Sort of. You be the judge. But don't you dare judge me, jerk.

These first two are blind contour drawings. If you notice, they are created with one continuous line (each). The first one is of Lewis (obviously. I can't believe you even had to ask) and the other one is my hand.













Next, we have a display of my abilities to make 3-D boxes. I know, right? I'm so cool.


I did this one on the day we explored negative spaces. We had to draw the spaces within a plant, like all up there among the leaves and shiz.


Now, I know you're probably bored now with all my black and whitedness. So here's some color. A color wheel, in fact. I mixed the paints myself. (By the way, I just saw a Juicey Juice commercial, and it told me that there is a Juicey Juice channel on YouTube. I didn't even know YouTube had channels. Dag, I am so out of the YouTube loop not being able to get it here!)


This painting is one I did the same day as the color wheel. Basically, I just extended the painting to fill the rest of the paper. The painting I used is the one of Joseph Smith greeting the Navuoo army peoples while a group of people looked on. Bet you thought there was a really big group of people watching. You were wrong. So sorry the photo is blurry.


A couple of class periods ago we started our crayon unit. The first thing we did was walk around campus and collect rubbings. The rubbings here include the letter A from the ASB sign, a Y from something that said BYU, the number 2004 and the word "women" in brail, a couple of ground textures, both sides of a dime, the bark of a tree, something about emergency power, maybe a grate... and a few other things I can't remember.


Here we have a brown paper cultural crayon art work. I chose to make mine like a Ghanian Adintra Bark Cloth. The symbol in the middle means fence; the ones on the top and the bottom are handcuffs; and the ones on either side are hourglass drums.


This little number is a sgraffito. I filled a page with patches of different colors and then colored over the whole thing with black. Then I scratched away my picture. This one used another Ghanian symbol in the middle (God's tree). The other designs are my experimentings.


Also as a part of the crayon unit, we made pretend stained glass. I drew my design and outlined it with a Sharpie sharp and then colored in the little stained glass sections. Then the whole thing was ironed to make it translucent. Pretty sweet, yo. Between this one and the sgraffito, though, my arm hurt pretty bad.


Next, I did a color-resist. I drew a picture and then painted over it with black watercolor paint, which was repelled by the crayon (mostly). It would have worked a little better if I had pressed harder with the crayon, but I kind of like how it turned out. It looks like night. It's supposed to be some trees on the bank of a river with a waterfall and mountains in the background. I messed up when I first started drawing the mountains cause I got distracted and forgot that I was still holding the blue crayon and hadn't picked up the white one yet. Whoops. In the end, I added some blue and purple to the paint to soften the black a little bit.


Don't worry! You're almost to the end! This is the last one for the crayon unit. It's a lamination. I grated a bunch of crayons (with a cheese grater, not my own) onto a sheet of wax paper. Then I put another sheet of wax paper on top of it and ironed them together. Then I cut it out to make this! If you look closely (or click on the photo), you can see that I gave it a face.


One other project I did was a retablo with a small cardboard box and salt dough. But it's not at home, so I don't have a photo of it. Maybe I'll post it another time. Maybe not.

These last two are silly ones I did a few months ago when I was bored and needed a creative release. Or maybe I was just being silly. Too bad for you, I'm forcing them upon you. What, what?! If my class ever does a photography unit, I'm totally using these.


Mmm, now I want me some M&Ms. Maybe I'll make some pudding.

No Good Deed...

We all know the saying: no good deed goes unpunished. The common interpretation is, even if you do something nice, you'll get crap. Like if you bring cookies to the teacher to be a sweetie and all of your classmates make fun of you for being a suck up (note to all of my future students: who cares what your classmates think? I will love you forever for bringing me cookies).

But how's this for another interpretation: Someone does what appears to be a good deed, and the person they are doing the so-called good deed for ends up punished.

Let me offer a couple examples to illustrate my point.

1. Say you get a bottle of root beer from the fridge. And say you need to open said bottle, but your personal strength and tolerance for poky metal does not extend to this task. So you ask your main man, the husband, for assistance. He does so gladly - nay, enthusiastically! And cheerfully hands the bottle to you. And then watches you closely as you put the bottle to your lips. And laughs as you spew cause it was actually a bottle of non-alcoholic beer.

2. Say it's time to take a shower. And say you're really tired, and your personal strength and tolerance for walking all the way down the hall does not want to extend to this task. So you jokingly ask your main man, the husband, to carry you to the shower. And even as you protest saying, "jk!," he carries you anyway, fully clothed, and places you in the shower. And turns on the water. And reaches for the switch to make the water come out of the shower head.

But by now you're hip to the hop and you manage to shut off the water before it soaks your clothes. Luckily you weren't wearing socks and just your feet got wet.

My point is... what is my point? Lewis is going to pay for all this? Yeah. That's it.

Dear Freaky Deaky Vampire Man. You Suck.

There are some words/phrases/awesomeness that I consider my own. Not ones that I've copyrighted or anything, or even ones that I've made up. Just ones that I use. These are words/phrases/awesomeness that I use often enough that I take pride when someone close to me uses.

For example, snap. I say that all the time. The other day, Lewis said that. It brought joy unto my soul and warmed my heart. He also called me the bomb-diggity yesterday. That's a favorite.

Now, I certainly don't claim any sort of exclusive rights to these words/phrases/awesomeness. Like I said, it gladdened me when Lewis used them. And I would be 100% okay with any of you, my dear blog readers, if you were to use "for shiz, yo." In fact, I encourage it. For shiz!

But sometimes, a certain, ahem, stigma, can be attached to a word/phrase/awesomeness. Lets look at snap one more time. I started using snap in the eighth grade, although I limited my use because I didn't want to appear to be too much of a cracker. But, oh, how I love that word. And then - then! - that stupid, stupid Disney Channel Original Series came out - That's So Raven. Raven said snap all the freaking time! I was highly disappointed. I wanted to keep snap. I didn't want to give it up. But That's So Raven? Really?

I tried switching to snapple for a while, but it just didn't have the same ring. I was inches away from dropping snap when I decided that I just didn't care. It was a Disney Channel Original Series after all. Nobody watches that.

And as we all know, snap has come to mean so much more for me. Sunday Nap, anyone?

But yesterday - oh, but yesterday - Lewis told me about something that went down at the Home Depot, aka his place of employ. Someone said, over the intercom or the radio or something, "In the immortal words of Edward Cullem(n?), chillax."

Whiskey. Tango. Hotel?

The undead Cedric Diggory uses my word?!

Now, I'm okay with all a'y'all reading Twilight. Whatevs. Go ahead. It's just not my cup of tea. It's like chick flicks. I just can't do 'em. And, of course, I can't have people thinking I've done 'em by using the word chillax. If it's a big enough part for someone at the Home Depot ("where men go to be men and women go to feel cool") to make the reference, it must be a fairly integral part of the books. (I can't see how, but no doubt...)

I do recognize that chillax has been around for a while. The combination of chill and relax is just natural. But I can't do it. I just can't do it. Not if my reputation is at stake. I am not a Twilight fan girl.

But it's cool if you are.

Mean Monkey

Check out pictures from our super sweet trip to the zoo!

You really should, cause, uhh...this monkey be watching you.

Utah Drivers

For years - years! - I have been listening to people talk about how terrible Utah drivers are. Years! As for me and myself, I never really could see what the big deal was about. As far as I could tell, there didn't seem to be that much difference between Utah drivers and drivers of other places around the country. But whatevs. I just figured I wasn't as observant as everyone else seems to be about the drivers up in here.

Until today, when I came across this very interesting story on Yahoo. For your convenience, I've inserted the chart here, listing our fifty states and the District of Columbia in order, from the best drivers to the worst.

1	IDAHO
1	WISCONSIN
3	MONTANA
4	KANSAS
5	SOUTH DAKOTA
5	NEBRASKA
7	UTAH
8	WYOMING
8	IOWA
8	OREGON
8	MINNESOTA
12	ALASKA
12	NORTH DAKOTA
14	VERMONT
15	COLORADO
15	MISSOURI
17	OKLAHOMA
17	WASHINGTON
19	NEW MEXICO
20	NORTH CAROLINA
21	VIRGINIA
22	INDIANA
22	MICHIGAN
24	ARKANSAS
24	TEXAS
26	ALABAMA
26	NEVADA
28	WEST VIRGINIA
29	ILLINOIS
30	ARIZONA
31	MAINE
32	DELAWARE
33	NEW HAMPSHIRE
34	OHIO
35	KENTUCKY
36	PENNSYLVANIA
37	LOUISIANA
38	TENNESSEE
38	MISSISSIPPI
40	SOUTH CAROLINA
40	MARYLAND
42	CONNECTICUT
43	FLORIDA
44	DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
45	MASSACHUSETTS
46	RHODE ISLAND
47	GEORGIA
48	CALIFORNIA
49	HAWAII
50	NEW JERSEY
51	NEW YORK

Twist!

Utah drivers aren't bad! They're the seventh best drivers in the freaking nation!

To be fair, it's true: There are lots of bad drivers in Utah. They're all from California, and this list finally confirms that.

Lew, Lu, Luck

On Saturday night, Lewis made a promise that he would be nice to me for the rest of the weekend. If he broke that promise, he would have to be punished. The punishment would be that he has to make me dinner for seven nights.

On Sunday morning, he broke that promise by throwing a pillow at me.

Last night we had linguine with chicken and broccoli and Alfredo sauce. Today the leftovers are my lunch.

You should be jealous of how lucky I am.

A Scintillating Conversation

As she does most Sunday mornings, my mom called. After engaging in a pleasant conversation with her and then with my dad, I asked to talk to my little brother, Joseph. Joseph has his hands in a lot of cookie jars right now, including, but not limited to, piano, Taekwondo, choir, and art. I know what you're thinking. Joseph is awesome.

Anyway, as our conversation progressed, the topic turned to Taekwondo. Joseph twisted his ankle the day before his test to become a blue belt. But, like a real trooper, he pressed forward and passed the test with flying colors. I asked him if he was going to keep going to get his black belt, he said, "No. My mom said I could quit after I got my blue belt. I'm only doing it so I can beat the crap out of [insert name of Joseph's mortal enemy]."

Well, as long as his motives are pure.

I then asked if he was going to take on Lewis when he came out here for a visit. Our conversation went something like this (Lewis was beside me, telling me some of the things to say):

Me: So are you going to try and beat the crap out of Lewis when you come visit us?

Joseph: Yeah.

Me: Are you sure? Lewis is a black belt.

Joseph: Well I already beat a black belt.

Me: But Lewis is also a ninja. A black belt ninja.

Joseph: That's not true. Ninja's don't have belts.

Me: How do you know?

Joseph: I've seen a ninja in real life.

Me: Of course you did, at our wedding! It was Lewis.

Joseph: No, it wasn't Lewis! I saw a real ninja and he wasn't wearing a belt. I also played a ninja video game.

Me: Yeah! That game was based off of Lewis!

Joseph: No it's not. Lewis is not a turtle. Or a rat.

Me: Okay, that's true. Lewis is not a turtle or a rat.

Joseph: I wish he was a rat.

Me: Why?

Joseph: Then I could kill him.

In short, Lewis had better watch his back.

Feliz Dia de Mother!

You know that song they sing at the end of "A Muppet Family Christmas" when all the Sesame Street gang and Fraggle Rock chumps are there? The "Happy Holidays" one? Well, when ever I say "Happy Mother's Day," I hear it in my head to the tune of "Happy Holidays." It's weird.

Welcome, dear readers, to the goings-on of my head.

Anyway, I wanted to give a shout out to all those madres out there cause, basically, y'all are the bomb-diggity. Especially my mom. For shiz, yo.

But seriously, as far as moms go, mine is the bee's knees. She's always been there for me, ain't no mountain high nor valley low nor river wide enough, baby, to keep her from getting to me. The wonders of the interwebs help cause they allow us to speak on the phone whenever we want.

Here are 10 things that make my mom cooler than yours:

1. She's ridden an ostrich.

2. She raised four kids, and when they were almost all grown, went back for one more. He keeps her young.

3. She let me skip school to go to the movies with her cause she didn't want to go with just Joseph.

4. She knows more about Star Trek than anyone I know. That's important now, cause of the new movie being so awesome.

5. Her dessert fetched the most out of anyone's dessert at our "Pay-for-Girls'-Camp Dessert Auction."

6. She says Joseph is the king of multitasking, but I think I know where he learned it from. She catches up on her reading while she does her hair and make-up. I still haven't figured out how.

7. She's a great example to me of service. She just cares about peeps.

8. Her favorite character in Star Wars: Episode 1 is Darth Maul, because his make-up looks so cool. Her favorite character in the Lord of the Rings is Legolas, because he's dreamy. Orlando Bloom is just okay.

9. She can read "Fox in Socks" faster than anyone. No, really. Try and challenge her.

10. She loves her family so much. You think about the most you've ever loved anyone and add a billion. That's how much she loves all of us. And you can take that to the bank.

Happy Mother's Day, Momsie. I love you lots and lots. And lots.

Of course, I can't close a Mother's Day post without also mentioning my mother-in-law. This is the first Mother's Day when she's been my mother-in-law, after all. You know how people complain about their mothers-in-law, like, all the time? Take, for example, the mom in Everybody Loves Raymund. Well, my mother-in-law is nothing like that. You'd think that, with a mom as awesome as mine, I'd have filled my quota as far as mothers go and I'd end up with a crappy mother-in-law. This is not the case. Pretty much, my mother-in-law could beat up your mother-in-law.
No, really. She's the best. She takes such good care of Lewis and me. All the time. She lets us come over whenever we want. Really. One of my favorite places to hang out is at my in-laws' house. How many people can say that? More than anything, she wants to see all of her children succeed. She loves and cares about all of them so much and just wants the best for them. That's something you can feel, not just know.

Moral of the story? You should be jealous of me and my super sweet moms.

I Heart Nerds

Today is Cinco de Mayo. But I don't care about that right now. I want to talk about yesterday.

I saw on someone's facebook profile that yesterday was Star Wars day - May the Fourth be with you. Since Lewis is the fan of all Star Wars fans (really. I think he even beats my dad.), I asked if he knew that. He said, wait, shouldn't Star Wars day really be May 25th? Cause the first movie came out on that day in 1977.

Yeah. I love him.

And may the Force be with you all.

Teacher Teach

14 - number of credit hours I'm taking during spring and summer terms.
17.5 - number of credit hours I'm taking during fall semester.
3 - number of hours my art class lasts each Tuesday and Thursday.
8 - number of hours I spend each week in my math class.
10 - number of hours I spent on homework this weekend, after having spent only four days in classes so far this term.

Who knew learning how to teach little crumb grinders took so much time? And I just started!