Saturday, November 29, 2008

Giving Thanks

Guess who was put in charge of making the rolls for this year's Thanksgiving dinner? And guess who lost a fingernail in the process?

Don't worry, we found it on the floor.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Ten Surprising Things About Alyssa...That You Probably Already Knew

1. I always check behind the shower curtain whenever I go in the bathroom. I don't know when I started doing this, or why, but I do know that it has nothing to do with the movie "Psycho," mostly because I've never seen it and also because I was doing it before I ever heard of the famous shower scene in that movie. Do I think there could be an ax murderer in there just lying in wait to do me in while I take a leak? Maybe. Or also possibly my husband, trying to get me back for putting the salmon pillow under his sheet. Who knows? Who really knows?

2. I have an irrational fear of dogs. There's no real origin of this one either. When people ask me how this phobia came about, I'll tell them about when I was chased by a dog on the paper route we all shared when I was a wee one. That story is true, but I was terrified of dogs well before then. People also always ask if I'm afraid of big dogs or little dogs. That question is stupid. All dogs scare me. Except one. His name was Ralph and he was adorable. Then some jerk adopted him right out from under us.

3. I have a love/hate relationship with Starburst jelly beans. Normally, I hate jelly beans, no questions asked. They all have weird flavors, and the texture gives me the willies when I chew them. Starburst jelly beans, however, have quite pleasant flavors. But their texture still sucks. So I love them but also hate them. Usually what I do when they are near by is suck on them to enjoy the flavor and then spit them out before I have to chew 'em. Seeing as that is gross, and the flavor is the same as original Starbursts, I generally stick with those.

4. One of my favorite things to do is to watch people and figure out what their story is based on how they act and interact with others. It's a really fun thing to do at the mall or pretty much anywhere on campus. Something interesting about it, is that you can often get enough information to go on through just a glimpse. Case in point: the other day, while Lewis was waiting for me in the parking lot, I passed a guy and a girl having a conversation right outside the Wilk. From what I heard as I walked past them, they were having something of a DTR. The girl was apologizing and also giggling (she was clearly uncomfortable), and was basically telling the boy, "It's not you, it's me," although maybe not in those words. The guy was obviously upset, as the conversation was not going at all like he hoped. You could tell from their body language that the guy was really into the girl, and she was completely clueless about it, and also lacking in the sensitivity to let him down easy (remember the giggling). When I got in the car I pointed them out to Lewis and we made up their story. It was great fun, and no one got hurt, right?

5. I'm probably one of the most competitive people you will ever meet. No, seriously. And I hate to lose. But I can't stop myself from making everything a competition. And Lewis knows that about me, and capitalizes on it. For example, we can't walk up or down stairs together anymore without it being a race. Nor can we hold hands without it turning into a thumb war. It's a sickness! But I love it. And I have become better at losing. Sort of. I don't cheat, though. Not unless it's really obvious that I cheated, so we all can laugh about it. Besides, Lewis cheats all the time.

6. My all time favorite book is "To Kill a Mockingbird."

7. I hate chick flicks. I have seen many a chick flick, and they all end the same way: the nice girl and the nice guy with flaws end up together, oodelaly. I don't need to see anymore. I will (and have!) watch many a chick flick with friends and family members cause I like the time spent with the person in question, not the movie. And if it's a really dumb one, that person will make fun of it with me! That being said, the only person with whom I will seek out to watch a chick flick is my mom. I don't know why, but it seems the chick flicks I've watched with her tend to be one of two things: either they are of a higher quality that you don't mind (or notice) the chickity flickity formula, or she recognizes the stupidity of the majority right off the bat and then the crisis is averted.

8. I am a published writer. I know, right? Back in the day (I can say that now, I'm married) I was a critic for high school theater. And let me tell you what, high school theater has the unfortunate habit of sucking. At least in the National Capital Area. Now, now, there were always exceptions to the rule to be found. But these were few and far between. And the critic programs I worked for had a rule: any actual criticisms in our critical reviews had to be general. And even then, we had to phrase it nicely, and qualify it with a compliments. Like we could say, "A few lines were forgotten, here and there, but these instances were forgotten with the magnificent costumes!" and not "Mandy Jo stunk on ice! Did she ever even look at the script, or did she think it would be available on stage for reference?" Not that any professional critic would say that. But still. It was hard to write those reviews. But I did it every week and even got three of my reviews published in local papers. They were available for reading online for a while (they even used to come up first when you googled my name), but I can't find them anymore. If I ever find them, I'll post them and you can read for yourself my awesomeness.

9. I have a weird memory. I can memorize things really quickly. I was the scripture mastery queen in seminary. Yes, I know that's really, really, nerdy. Don't judge me. I also have been known to memorize a part in a play in under an hour (I'm no Mandy Jo!), and I memorized the entire NATO phonetic alphabet the other day - just for kicks and giggles (alpha, bravo, charlie, delta, echo, foxtrot, golf, hotel, india, juliet, kilo, lima, mike, november, oscar, papa, quebec, romeo, sierra, tango, uniform, victor, whiskey, xray, yankee, zulu - it's a sickness!). The other weirdness about my memory is that I remember really strange details. Like, I'll forget where we went the other night, but I'll remember exactly what we were wearing. That sort of thing. Or I'll remember what someone said at some random time, but I won't remember the names of the six stages of morality that were pounded into us in my moral development class for a week.

10. My roommate once told me, after I had taken some drowsy cold meds and felt like I was on a high, "High Alyssa is Extra-Strength Awesome Alyssa." So now you know why my thingy is named what it is. Because of that once-said statement. Not because I'm always (or ever) high. Just thought I'd clear that up.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Ci-ci-ci-cinnamon Lips

It has recently come to my attention that I no longer use Covergirl make-up products. Not like it's a big deal, it's just that I always assumed I was destined to be a lifelong Covergirl girl. See, I grew up watching my mom put on her Covergirl make-up everyday, and I was under the impression that since she used it, it had to be the best brand of facial beauty products available. In truth, I did begin my make-up usage within the Covergirl family, but over time I've switched over, product by product, to Maybelline New York. True, not all of the contents of my make-up bag fall under the Maybelline umbrella, but that line definitely holds the majority.

This switch got me thinking about all the things about the world of make-up that I just don't get:

1. Referring to new types of mascara as "technology." I'm sorry, but a little brush that delivers black gunk from a tube to your eyelashes is not technology. It's not like I'm saying that word technology is limited to stuff like computers and toaster ovens,, that's exactly what I'm saying. An ipod is a piece of technology. Mascara is not. With, of course, the obvious exception of Akasha's new product, the Spinlash: The World's First Mascara That Revolves Around You!

2. While we're on the topic of mascara, has anyone noticed that all the different types of mascara do exactly the same thing? Each new product that comes out claims that it will extend your lashes, or make them thicker, or reduce clumps, or make you look like a superstar. It's all crap. They all do the exact same thing, no matter the "formula" or brush type. Maybe some brands dry out slower than others, or more sticks to the brush. But it doesn't make that much of a difference. And honestly, do you really think a curved brush will make your eyelashes suddenly curly, through osmosis or something? Cause it won't. Know why all the models in the mascara commercials have long, thick eyelashes? They were genetically predisposed to that particular feature. Or their eyelashes are fake.

3. Covergirl Outlast lipstick. They might have other products included in the Outlast line, but I only have experience with the lipstick. And let me tell you, when they say outlast, they mean outlast. Seriously, that stuff does NOT come off. Which is the point, I know. But you'd think they could come up with a formula that stays on through food and drink and kissing, but not to things like make-up remover. Cause this stuff definitely does not come off with regular old make-up remover. The only way I've found to get the junk off is through peeling off layers of lip skin with it. I do not recommend this method.

4. Make-up companies' slogans. More specifically, Maybelline's slogan: "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline." Translation: "maybe her beauty is natural. Or maybe it's just the because of some 'product' she smeared on her 'face.' She's really not that great looking. Luckily Maybelline is here to save the day and make her attractive!!!!"

5. What's up with one-night stands? TV makes 'em look glamorous and stuff with the woman waking up with perfect hair and flawless make-up. But really. Sleep does horrid things to a person. I'm talking the whole bright-eyed and bushy-tailed package: bed head, morning breath, sleep farts, puffy eyes, the works! And don't even get me started on what happens to a made-up face that is slept in! Nothing good. Add a hangover into the mix and you will realize how literal the walk of shame really is.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

What do you call them...please-men.

My absolute favorite feature in the Daily Universe (BYU's newspaper) is the Police Beat. It's a weekly column that informs students of all the crimes that are reported on campus.'s BYU. Not very many crimes occur. The majority of the reported crimes fall under the heading of "Suspicious Activity." Usually these incidents are of the bearded men and singing as they walk variety. Honest-to-goodness, last year there was more than one report about a certain character who wore a cloak and sang to himself outside the Joseph Smith Building every day. A real hoodlum, that one. Thank goodness he's off the streets. Seriously, though, the police got so many complaints about this "creepo," they had to ask him to stop. Singing. Next thing you know, they'll be carting Dancing Guy off in handcuffs.

It's a goal of many students (myself included) to get into the Police Beat. There was an article about it a while back, about the stunts students pulled to try and get reported. See, it's an actual crime to lie to the police, so you can't just call in and make something up (although some of those reports might fall under that category..."the suspicious crazy was no where to be found", and all), so you really have to commit a sort of crime. I know one miscreant put on some gangstah clothing and walked into the back of Jamba Juice, demanding a free smoothie. All for the sake of PB fame. Lewis and I keep hoping we'll get reported for a domestic disturbance. We're kinda loud sometimes, and we often have the window open. One day, our fake fights will pay off.

This past week
, there was a real gem:

"Nov. 1: Police received a call concerning screams and pounding coming from a room in the Maeser Building. Police investigated and discovered the screaming man was a custodial worker watching the game between Texas and Texas Tech, and was upset about his team's loss."

I totally understand. That game had a spine-tingling end, involving a last-second touchdown, three field rushes, and a kickoff at the seven and a half yard line. Yeah.

Takeaway message: don't be root for Texas.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Let Me See That Pong!

Halloween was grood. We were Pong.

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