Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Double Lux

It is highly unlikely that I will ever be famous. I know that, you know that, we all now that. It is equally unlikely that I will ever be particularly wealthy. And I'm perfectly okay with that. My fulfillment will come from my family and our relationships and yadda yadda yadda. However, there are a few items that could be considered -ahem- material that I've pretty much decided I can't live without. When I have these items, these luxuries if you will, I'll know I am a financial success.

1. A washer and dryer of my very own, that reside in the same house as me
I hate laundromats. Oh, so much. Especially when it's cold and snowy and you have more than one basket to take over and the only time you have to do the laundry is when your husband is at work so he can't help you. And sometimes - especially when it's cold and snowy - people don't come back to get their clothes right after they're done so they sit in the dryer until they're stone cold and someone named me has to take them out of the dryer and dump them somewhere so she can use a freaking dryer cause they're all full! Not to mention the fact that the Police Beat recently featured a bit about a family whose clothes all got stolen from the laundromat I currently patronize. Not only does that make me afraid that my clothes will get stolen too, but it makes me feel slightly guilty cause what if the perps took the clothes I dumped out of a dryer so I could use it? And then I remember how very cold those clothes were and the only way they could get that cold is if they had been sitting in the dryer for at least an hour after it turned off so maybe those people deserved what they got. And then I feel guilty again.

My point is, I can't wait until I can just walk down the hall with a basket of clothes and turn the machines on and off at my leisure and not have to worry about my clothes getting stolen. Cause, seriously. If you manage to break into someone's house, are you really going to go for the clothes in the washing machine? More than likely, you'll probably snag whatever's in sight that looks valuable like our laptops or Wii.

I'm also looking forward to the time when I can put a stinky washcloth straight into the washer. Having a smelly washcloth that you can't do anything about cause laundry day's not til Saturday is the worst. It totally kills my mojo.

2. The History Channel
I swear - I swear! - that when I lived in the freshman dorms way back when, we had the History Channel. I swear it! And now I'm back to living on campus, with the same cable as back then, and the History Channel is no where it be found. I love this channel. History is one of my favorite topics, but I never did any good in the classes, so I haven't taken very many while I've been at school. The History Channel is the perfect compromise! I can learn to my heart's content about the most random things and then I'm able to spout off boring trivia like a party trick. And there's no exam! And it's presented in a much more appealing way on the History Channel than in any of my classes. AND, if I get bored with it, I can just change the channel or turn it off, or walk out of the room. It didn't go over so well when I tried that in History 201.

So, when we have the money to a afford a cable package that includes the History Channel, I know we will be a financial success. I cannot wait for this. I need my History's Mysteries. At least I have the Discovery Channel. If BYU cut both of those out of their cable, I'd be out of Wymount in a flash. Or in 60 days, as per the contract release agreement.

3. More than two counters in my kitchen
I know, right?! That's all we have. One of them used to be exclusively for the dish drain (no dishwasher either), but we moved that to sit inside the sink (made a world of difference). The other counter usually has all the dirty dishes stacked on it - which, true, does give us the motivation to keep them clean, so we can use that space. For the most part, however, we tend to do our food preparation on the kitchen table - which means it's always covered with junk too. My dream is to have an island in my kitchen for counter space, and also which has a range right on it. Then maybe I could also have two ovens, one on top of the other. And a place to put a microwave. But I digress. At this point, I'd be plenty satisfied with just a third counter.

So that's what's up, G. I imagine that this post might get an encore as I think of more stuff I can't live without. In the meantime, does anyone want to let me come over to watch Modern Marvels?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

25 Random Thingz!!!!!!!1

There is an epidemic going on around facebook, and I thought that I should share it in the blog world. Because I'm just that awesome. Here are my 25 random things.

1. My middle initial, L, stands for Barbie.
2. I once won Miss Congeniality in a midget pageant.
3. I share a birthday with Moses and the harlot Isabel.
4. If you spell my first name backwards, you get a Chinese swear word.
5. I won a gold medal for figure skating in the 2008 Summer Olympics.
6. I love the Twilight series so much and will one day marry Edmund Cullem.
7. I'm a wizard, Harry.
8. I was once investigated by both the FBI, the CIA, and CTU.
9. Myth Busters once featured an episode solely about me.
10. I climbed to the summit of Mt. Everest in two days.
11. In French, my last name means old.
12. During full moons on even months, I turn into a stripper.
13. I was accepted into both Harvard and Princeton, but elected to go to BYU because it just felt right.
14. I was once asked to perform a duet with Steve Tyler, but I said no.
16. I typed number 15 in invisible ink.
17. I was with both Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy when they were shot. But not Ronald Reagan.
18. I died once. But I got better.
19. I once dated a pair of twins without knowing it.
20. When I was twelve, I worked closely with Albert Einstein to develop the bayonet.
21. You know that girl in "Bring It On" and "Spiderman"? That's me.
22. I'm going on a mission next month. But I haven't told my husband yet.
23. I invented Latin on a dare. It's not really an ancient language.
24. I'm thinking of applying for a job as a circus freak. I'll be the bearded lady.
25. I'm not wearing any pants.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Another Letter to Tom Hanks

Dear Mr. Hanks,

Thank you for extending an apology to my church. I think you showed true patriotism in your understanding of what makes someone American and I appreciate your attitude and behavior. You have once again earned my respect, both as an actor and, more importantly, as a person.

I do understand your grievances with Proposition 8, and how it can be considered discriminatory. I wish a solution could be reached that would satisfy everyone.

Again, thank you for your apology. It meant a lot to my church, and also to me.


Alyssa Young

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A Letter to Tom Hanks

Dear Mr. Hanks,

I'd like to start off by saying what a fan I am of your work. My husband and I recently watched "Castaway," and your talent to captivate an audience all by your lonesome is astounding. "Big" is one of my all-time favorite movies. And no one can deny that "Forrest Gump" is a classic.

I have a deep respect for the art and entertainment that you create, and also for you and your obvious care in honing your craft. That being said, I was highly disappointed to read your remarks regarding the Mormon church and what you believe was their involvement in the passing of Proposition 8 in California. I am a member of that church and I believe that there are several misconceptions floating around regarding what exactly was my church's involvement, which I'd like to clear up for you at this time.

You said, "...the truth is a lot of Mormons gave a lot of money to the church to make Prop-8 happen." I would assume that the church to which you were referring in that sentence is, in fact, the Mormon church. If my assumption is accurate, then please allow me to correct you. No money was donated to my church "to make Prop-8 happen." Similarly, no money was donated by my church "to make Prop-8 happen." Individual members of my church, acting as citizens with the right to donate funds to the campaign of their choice donated money "to make Prop-8 happen." Was the amount of money donated by these individuals a significant chunk of all funds accrued for the campaigning of Proposition 8? You bet. Is their right to donate said money protected under the law of the United States of America? Absolutely.

I think a lot of people are confused as to why my church is such an ardent supporter of Proposition 8. The reason is not because we are a homophobic, narrow-minded people who believe in denying all rights to anyone who does not believe the same thing as us. Well, first, let's be honest: there are some very outspoken members of my church who seem to indeed believe that. But let me assure you that they are a vocal minority and do not represent the quieter majority. The real reason my church supports Proposition 8 is because of our religious beliefs. We believe that "...marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God..." and that "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." ("The Family: A Proclamation to the World," par. 1 and 2). Isn't our right to believe this protected under the very First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America?

My church does not want to deny all rights to homosexuals or to force them all to live like us or anything like that. Our intent in supporting Proposition 8 was to protect what we believe to be the definition of marriage. It was not about taking away the rights of anyone in a romantic relationship outside of what we believe constitutes a marriage. On the contrary, we support legislation that would grant more rights to unmarried couples, such as visiting a sick loved one in the hospital. We do not want to discriminate against anyone! Our church faced a lot of discrimination ourselves, back in the day, and I don't think any one of us would wish that treatment upon anyone else.

You went on to say, Mr. Hanks, that "There are a lot of people who feel that [the Mormon church's involvement] is un-American, and I am one of them." At this statement, I am a little confused. Our involvement in Proposition 8 included passing out fliers and calling individuals to encourage them to vote yes on Proposition 8. The way I see it, most people have a strong opinion on the issue of gay marriage: for the most part, everyone is either for it or against it. A phone call from a member of my church probably swayed very few people one way or the other. The most these phone calls and fliers and posters did was inform the voters of California about Proposition 8 is and what it entails. And then everyone was allowed to go on their ways and do whatever they wanted with that information. At the most, all the campaigning from the members of my church did was get people to vote, and then they voted whatever way they felt was right. Heck, those phone calls probably garnered a good number of votes against Proposition 8 as more people were informed about what their vote would mean. And isn't the right we all have to vote and to have each of our voices represented the very foundation of this great nation? What, I ask you, is more American than that?

Patriotism runs deep in my family. I wish I could say that no one can call me un-American and get away with it. But your right to express your opinion about my church is protected under the very same Amendment that gave me my right to believe in my religion. And I'm not going to take that away from you. That would be un-American.


Alyssa Young

Thursday, January 8, 2009

It's the Whopper Sacrifice!

My brother brought this article to my attention. Apparently there's a new facebook application where if you "sacrifice" (delete) ten of your friends, Burger King will give you a coupon for a free Whopper. And that immediately piqued my interest because I delete friends all the time! I have no problem doing that! In fact, you might say that I enjoy deleting friends! One time, Lewis and I even had something of a competition to see who could delete the most friends! It's really quite cathartic.

I do hope that this has gotten all of my readers who use facebook nervous. The jig is up! I'm a facebook friend deleter! You could be next!

I think I'd like to put that on a t-shirt:
But that is neither here nor there (not right now, anyway...). The point is, this article gave me an idea. What if me and ten of my facebook friends conspired together to get ourselves some free Whoppers? We could all delete each other, collect our coupons, and then re-add each other! No harm, no foul, right? Plus, we'd all get some highly amusing news stories on our feeds: "Alyssa sacrificed Mary Shurtz." How great of a story would that be?!

There is a catch, though: I don't like Whoppers. Actually, I've never had one. But they look gross. Now, if Burger King was offering a coupon for a free Hershey's Sundae Pie or a chicken tenders kid's meal (don't judge me!) I'd be all over that. But I do hope I've inspired some of you and ten of your friends to satisfy your desire to beat the system and get a free burger to boot.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Let it Snow...Okay That's Enough...No, Really, I Have To Drive in This...

Since I've known Lewis, I've come across many handy tidbits that I didn't know about before. Take for example, Central Bank time and temp. You call some number and a friendly male voice will give you the current time according to the US Naval Observatory's atomic clock (so you know it's correct. They gotsta keep up on their credentials) and the current temperature. And then he announces Provo's only official forecast and a friendly female voice lays it out for you right there on the phone. It's delightful! Since this discovery, time and temp has become a dear friend, making sure I always have the most up-to-date reading of the temporal and weather situations.

Except when they're DEAD WRONG!

On Sunday night at about 8 PM, Lewis and I left his parents house to head home for the evening. The misery of that bitterly cold day (we're talking 9 degrees) was somewhat lightened by the fact that it had just started snowing. Snow can have that effect. It can somehow make everything softer and nicer. However, since we were starting school again the next day, we wanted to find out how much snow to expect so we could plan accordingly for travel purposes. So we called those friendly male and female voices to give us the current time and temp, and also Provo's only official forecast. We were told by that voice that we trust oh-so-much to expect an inch. If that. So that's what we expected.

Monday morning we woke up to this inch. And several of its inchy friends. Great. That'll make driving fun. But at least it wasn't snowing anymore. Lewis decided to give time and temp another chance. Sure, they were wrong the night before, but maybe they just decided to prank us. That's what friends do, right? Just a prank, no one understands that better than us, we still love you and trust you. I mean, an apology would have been nice, it's true, but we're not going to write you off for a tiny joke.

So Lewis called and Provo's only official forecast told us again to expect an inch. If that. At this point, I was a little wary that maybe they did think the same joke would be funny two times in a row, but right at that moment snow was not falling from the sky, so I determined it would be best to trust their judgment of appropriate jokery. Off to school we went.

At approximately 12:45 PM, our fresh inch showed up. At about 1:30 I was suspicious when this "inch" doubled in size. At 4:30, I was ready to give time and temp a piece of my mind. All was forgiven at 7 when it stopped snowing. But at 7:30 it started again.

It's now 6 o'clock PM, the next day. It has not stopped snowing since 7:30 last night, except for a few possible pauses over night while we were all sleeping. And those don't count. But really, it's my fault we got this much snow. You know what they say: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I had the naivety to trust time and temp when they were so obviously pranking us again. They did nothing wrong, really. They were just trying to be funny. At the end of the day, it's the intent that matters. Not the fact that their little laugh got me soaked up to my kneecaps in my brand new pants or made a pile of snow fall onto the seat of the car when I opened the door or meant I was late for my first day at my internship. Just the intent. It's all good!

Well, tomorrow's Wednesday, and I have to walk 3/4 of a mile to get from my internship to school. I'd better call time and temp to see what I can expect weather-wise. Oh, just an inch? No problem.
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