What do you call them...please-men.

My absolute favorite feature in the Daily Universe (BYU's newspaper) is the Police Beat. It's a weekly column that informs students of all the crimes that are reported on campus. However...it's BYU. Not very many crimes occur. The majority of the reported crimes fall under the heading of "Suspicious Activity." Usually these incidents are of the bearded men and singing as they walk variety. Honest-to-goodness, last year there was more than one report about a certain character who wore a cloak and sang to himself outside the Joseph Smith Building every day. A real hoodlum, that one. Thank goodness he's off the streets. Seriously, though, the police got so many complaints about this "creepo," they had to ask him to stop. Singing. Next thing you know, they'll be carting Dancing Guy off in handcuffs.

It's a goal of many students (myself included) to get into the Police Beat. There was an article about it a while back, about the stunts students pulled to try and get reported. See, it's an actual crime to lie to the police, so you can't just call in and make something up (although some of those reports might fall under that category..."the suspicious crazy was no where to be found", and all), so you really have to commit a sort of crime. I know one miscreant put on some gangstah clothing and walked into the back of Jamba Juice, demanding a free smoothie. All for the sake of PB fame. Lewis and I keep hoping we'll get reported for a domestic disturbance. We're kinda loud sometimes, and we often have the window open. One day, our fake fights will pay off.

This past week, there was a real gem:

"Nov. 1: Police received a call concerning screams and pounding coming from a room in the Maeser Building. Police investigated and discovered the screaming man was a custodial worker watching the game between Texas and Texas Tech, and was upset about his team's loss."

I totally understand. That game had a spine-tingling end, involving a last-second touchdown, three field rushes, and a kickoff at the seven and a half yard line. Yeah.

Takeaway message: don't be root for Texas.