Today is the last day of my internship. To say goodbye to all of my kids has been pretty sad. As far as some of them go, I am really quite ready to say goodbye. But for a lot of them, I'm not happy at all about leaving.
On Tuesdays, I meet with this one student who, when I started meeting with her, had absolutely zero respect for anyone around her, especially those in authority. I don't feel like I've made a lot of progress with her, and we've definitely had some hard times together. Like how every time I go to pick her up she flatly refuses to go until I or her teacher tells her that she can go to the principal's office instead. Or like the time we made each other cry. But today, in our goodbye party, she did something that I never would have expected from her. She apologized. She said she was sorry for her bad behavior and that she is trying to be good. I was floored. Suddenly saying goodbye to her was a lot harder.
Another sad thing about my goodbyes is the number of students who haven't been here on our last day. One of my kindergarteners was sick, so no goodbye there. Two of my younger friendship group students just didn't show up for our meeting yesterday. And I just found out that the fourth grade is on a field trip today, so three-fifths of my older friendship group will be gone. It almost makes me wonder if my philosophy on goodbyes was right after all.
I hate saying goodbye. My family moved all the time when I was growing up and every time we left an area, I would resist saying goodbye to my friends at all costs. I'd rather just spend time with them like I always do, without any differences than have a drawn out sadness over a goodbye. I hate it so, so much. But my kids at this school are different. Many of them depend on me to be there at the same time every week. I wouldn't say that I don't think they would get along just fine with an Alyssa-style goodbye, but I do feel like I would be betraying their trust somehow if I was just all-of-a-sudden gone. And the last thing they need is cause to distrust another adult in their lives. So I will say goodbye to as many of them as I can. And I won't cry. I will not cry.