Delicious Non-Food

Jack ate some sponge the other day.  He was quite proud.  He's been trying to eat it for months.

Allow me to explain:

We put a ribbon over the latch on his door so that it is quiet when it opens and shuts.  This ribbon gets in the way from the door latching, so ever since Jack figured out how doors work, he's been able to open this one, no problem.  Due to this, I no longer leave him in his room while I go to take care of messy diapers, since he just follows me anyway.

Whenever he is in the bathroom, if he's not trying to dip his fingers in the toilet bowl, Jack is trying to climb into the bathtub.  (Why it never before occurred to me to just put him in the tub while I handle his diaper, I'll never know.)  On this day, he was successful.  At climbing into the bathtub, not the toilet thing.

Well, almost successful.  Instead of climbing gracefully into the tub, he kind of just flopped, head first, inside.  I managed to catch him by the ankle, just before he cracked his head on the bottom.  In the process, I dropped his diaper.  It landed in the toilet, and while I understand that that was the best possible place for it to land, it was still disgusting.  Now, instead of gentle shaking his poo into the water, no mess, I had to remove the diaper from the bowl where it was happily soaking up as much murky toilet water as it could.

I think I cried a little.

Jack was more than content to play around in the dry tub (at this point any worries about him turning on the water and soaking himself did not matter), so I left him at it while I assessed the situation.

I'll spare you the details of what I did.  Just know that it was gross and I really feel for people who used cloth diapers before the world figured out how to make them so their clean up is sanitary.

Meanwhile, Jack got his hands on the sponge we use for scrubbing his head.  I looked over in time to see the sponge in three pieces - one in each hand and the third in his mouth.  Just as I reached him, he swallowed and gave me a glowing smile.  This was clearly his proudest accomplishment to date.

Maybe he would eat his vegetables more often if I mixed in bits of sponge.

Jack, after a snack of actual food.

Evelyn

My niece, Evie, is hilarious.  She says or does something noteworthy at least a dozen times a day.  My sister - her mother - will often quote Evie on Facebook.  After spending several days with her, I have only one questions for Cassie: How on earth do you pick what to post?

Some examples (I only wish I had written more of them down - she said some funny stuff):

Evie: I just wish the people who make car seats had thought to give big kids a shade like babies have.

After a day of Evie telling me all about her favorite dinosaur: the Lunar Raptor, which is not a real dinosaur.
Me: Where did you learn all this?
Evie: Well, I might have heard about it on TV, or maybe I made it up.  But I didn't.  It's all true.

Evie: If Jack was a girl, I would like him better.

Evie: I could beat you up.  I take karate.

Evie: My mood ring is green.  Mom, what does that mean?
Cassie: I don't know.
Me: I think it means you're tranquil.
Evie: No, it means I'm calm.

Evie: Jack's pacifier is upside down.
Me: Yeah, he likes it like that.
Evie: I don't.
Me: Well, you don't use a pacifier anymore.
Evie: No, I don't like him to have it upside down.

Me: Evie, come cuddle with me.
Evie: I'm a werewolf.
Me: That's okay.  I just want my niece to come snuggle with me.
Evie: But I'm a boy werewolf.

Evie is also decidedly not Jack's number one fan.  I don't think she expected babies to do stuff like pull her hair or grab her face.  Jack, on the other hand, adores her and follows her around whenever they are in the same space.  It's good times for the quiet observer.

Mess Maker, Mess Maker, Make Me a Mess

Jack's new favorite thing to do is to take all of the rags out of our towel basket, one at a time.  He must receive great joy from this, because he does it several times a day.

I could put the basket up somewhere he can't reach.  But I'm not going to.  Because as long as he's removing with the towels from their basket, he is not removing the DVDs from their shelf.  Most of the time.

Up All Night

My family has been in town for the past several weeks.  Since they want to be close to us, but we don't have much room for everyone to sleep, they've spent the last week and a half in Park City.  Jack and I decided to join them there last week.

If you've read any of my posts over the past ten and a half months, you are probably aware that Jack is not a good sleeper.  His sleep woes are even worse if anything in his routine is even slightly out of the ordinary.  Say, for example, if he was sleeping in his pack and play instead of his crib.  In a place that is not his house.  Park City, for instance.

Lewis and Daniel had a hockey game (they won, beating their nemesis 3-2), so we got up to Park City late.  Jack was already overtired when we left the hockey game and he wailed halfway up Provo Canyon.  He finally fell asleep, only to wake up when I stopped for gas in Heber.  Then he wailed the rest of the way to Park City.

As soon as we got to the condo where we were staying (the one belonging to my in-laws - thank you!), I set up his pack and play, read him a story and sang to him, expecting him to start to drift off right away.  I would put him in bed, he would sleep all night (ha ha), and that would be that.  Except for the part where he didn't drift off.  He did pull my hair and pinch me in sensitive areas repeatedly, though.  That was fun.

By now it's eleven o'clock, four hours past his regular bedtime.  So I just plopped him in the pack and play, giving him the chance to put himself to sleep.  An hour and a half later he was still awake.

I had a queen to myself, so I decided to let Jack sleep with me.  One thing that Jack is famous for is getting up at the same time every stinking day, no matter what time he goes to bed.  I'm an early riser myself, so this is normally not a big deal.  Unless, of course, I don't go to sleep until nearly one in the morning.  But Jack was so tired, there was no way he was going to get up at his usual time, right?  Right?

Jack did very little of this in Park City.

Nope.  Not only did he kick me all night long (evidently Jack never stops moving, even when he's asleep), but he woke up at six AM on the nose.

A side note: Lewis and I don't let Jack watch TV.  It's not something we'd get on a soapbox about or anything like that, it's just not something we let him do.  It's just a personal choice, and it's actually been good for us, too, because it cuts down how much TV we watch.

Well, Jack got up so stinking early, and I was so stinking tired that I decided to set aside my parenting morals and turned on Sesame Street.  He could sit there, enthralled by the educational Muppets, and I could catch a few more winks, right?  Right?

Nope.  He couldn't have cared less about the TV.  He was much more interested in playing with my face.  I sacrificed my morals for nothing.

Eventually I carried him to where my parents were sleeping and they took over for me so I could sleep a little while longer.  This is why my parents are the very best around.

Scurvy

The other day, Jack's dear uncle gave him a lime to snack on.

I don't know which is funnier...

The face he made after he first sampled it:

Or the fact that he immediately went back for more:

Awesome Lewis

Remember when Jack fell down the stairs?

Well, I can't believe I forgot to blog about how amazing my spouse is.

You see, he fixed the baby gate so that it can now be used properly on the stairs.

He went to Home Depot, he bought some stuff, and he fixed it!  The baby gate will now touch the floor at both the top and the bottom of the stairs!  No more tumbles for Mr. Jack!

This man is the bomb dot com.

Yep.  I got a good one, didn't I?

Pathetic is My Middle Name

Whenever I am sick I turn into the most pathetic person you will ever meet.

It worked out really well that I happened to get sick at the end of last week when Lewis could be home to take care of me and Jack.

But then my sickness lingered into this week... When Lewis had to go back to school.

Anyone know any literature on training a ten-month-old to take care of his poor, infirm mother?

Mom Fail

If Jack managed to get his hands on a Tootsie Roll Pop...

And I let him keep it because he was just sucking on the wrapper...

And he used his two very sharp teeth to rip a tiny hole in the wrapper and suck on the actual candy...

And he had completely turned his nose up at his lunch earlier...

And I plunked him in his high chair, unwrapped the lollipop the rest of the way, and let him go to town on it because, hey, at least he was eating something...

Would that make me a bad mother?

Dirty Feet, Leaky Swim Diapers, and the Best Best Western in these United States

A few days ago Jack and I returned from the annual Hirschi Family Reunion.  This year the affair was held at Pinetop Girls Camp near Idaho City, Idaho.

Some highlights:

* Upon our arrival it was determined that there was no suitable place to put "No-Sleep" Jack to bed.  My awesome mom took us to a Best Western in nearby Boise.

* Boise's Best Western is actually pretty nice!  The shower was my favorite part (if was actually tall enough for a normal-sized human being, plus the pressure was perfect), closely followed by the muffins in their breakfast.

* Jack is very protective of me.  My uncle Mark started smacking me with a paper plate (it is unclear who started the fight) and Jack started yelling at him from across the room.

* You should not procrastinate changing a baby out of a swim diaper.  Even if it is clean when you exit the pool.  Also, you should recheck them for cleanliness before you take them off.  There is nothing worse than soggy poop from a soggy diaper.

* Pinetop Girls Camp has a lovely lodge.  But they should maybe invest in a quality vacuum.  Five minutes of crawling around on the carpet left him with streaks of visible grime on the tops of his shoes, socks (he took his shoes off), and knees.

* Jack is an incredibly pleasant baby.  When he's well-rested.  Which he was not for the duration of this trip.  Sorry, guys.

Jack with Andrew while I was off taking pictures.

* The Hirschi Olympics are amazing.  You should check them out.

* People in Boise are really polite.  I've never had so many doors held open for me, friendly elevator conversations, or smiles in passing.

* "Taco Bell Express" is a misnomer.

* You know those cups with the cool lid that you can put snacks in for babies to take out one at a time?  They suck.  There are puffs all over my car.

* CDs created in 2005 to commemorate your freshman year of college make for fabulous road-trippin' music.  The conglomeration of Britney Spears, Eminem, and Dashboard with the occasional Dixie Chick thrown in for good measure made the trip fly by.  Especially since I still knew all the lyrics, even after seven years.

A very special shout out to the Boise Hirschis who planned the event - especially Jennifer.  It was a ton of fun and errybody should be jealous of my kick-bum family and our grade A reunions.

Chex for Dinner

Yesterday Jack sat on my lap and cuddled with me for a solid three minutes.  Possibly four.

I was shocked.  The only time he ever snuggles with me is when he's sick.

The best three minutes of my life.

And then it hit me.  He was probably sick.

Several hours later he woke up with a fever of 103.

So we gave him some Advil and ran a lukewarm bath for him to cool down.  He was not at all interested in going back to sleep in his bed, so I let him curl up under my armpit in our bed.  Jack lay there moaning for about fifteen minutes until the Advil kicked in.  Then it was time to play.

Jack sat up, gave me a toothy grin and a slobbery kiss.  Then he noticed Lewis, snoring gently next to us.  Not wanting him to miss out on the fun, Jack started patting his leg and yelling.  This was about the time I decided he was ready to go back to his own bed.

The rest of the night was miserable; Jack got up so frequently I lost count.  But we survived and he seemed lots better in the morning.  Still feverish, mighty clingy, and awfully whiny, but better.

I fed him a light breakfast.  He hadn't shown any signs of being nauseous, but I just had this feeling.  That he would vomit at some inopportune time, like when I was in the shower and he was supposed to be napping, or something.

Which is exactly what he did.

A few weeks ago Jack started chewing on his crib, so we bought these super handy gummy crib rail things so he wouldn't ingest any more crib stain.  The guy at Babies R Us insisted that the adhesive was so strong that no baby could possibly pull it up.  Lies!  Jack pulled it up almost immediately.  I'm in the process of making fabric covers, but since I haven't actually started that yet, they are not done.  In the meantime Lewis secured the gummy pads with zip ties.  Jack has managed to pull the gummies up around the zipties, but not enough to take them off completely.

Just enough to make a large enough hole to throw up in to.

The fabric crib rail making process will now be expedited.  Adhesive and puke do not go well together.

The rest of the day was bodily-fluid free (with the exception of drool, but, well, you know), and thanks to Pedialyte Jack stayed far away from dehydration.  He was acting relatively normal too, except for a serious lack of appetite for everything but Chex cereal.  But it's not all bad: I dipped them in sweet potato puree, so there was still some nutritional value to it.