Monday, October 31, 2011

The House that All the Kids Hate

Obvious statement of the day: It's Halloween!  I miss being a teacher lots on Halloween.  Many teachers may dislike the day and for good reason - the students all act like they have bees in their head, there's no instructional value to the day, etc.  But I love it!  It's a day when you're allowed to just have fun with your class.

I was just introduced to the elementary school Halloween parade a mere two years ago.  In the plethora of elementary schools that I went to, none of them partook in this tradition.  Which is a real bummer cause it's a ton o' fun.  The parade is one of the biggest things that I miss.  Luckily, since my dear esposo is an elementary school teacher too, I still got to participate mostly because he wanted to show off Jack (and who can blame him?), and also cause our costumes went together (we're the Rubbles).  So Jack and I headed out the door this morning all decked out in our Halloween finest.  At Lewis' school we saw some fabulous costumes.  My favorite was one of Lewis' kids.  This girl with gorgeous flowing curly black hair dressed as Troy Polamalu - genius.  There was also a kid dressed as Jake Heaps with a bench attached to his bum.  Ouch.

None of the above is the point of this post, however.  It's just the precursor, the inciting incident, the exposition.  The point is that Lewis' school is not the only place I had to go today.  I also had to go to Walmart.  And since Jack does not like being packed up into his car seat ONE BIT, it made sense to go to Walmart while I was already out.  Also too, Walmart could not be more on the way when traveling from Lewis' school to our home.  Basically it in no way made sense for me to take a second trip.

So after the parade I loaded Jack into the car and headed on over.  Still in my costume.

To understand why this is such a big deal, you have to first understand something about me.  I am not morally opposed to wearing a costume while you're are just out and about on Halloween.  If that's your game, go for it.  But it's not my thing.  I'm too self-conscious or something.  I could maybe - maybe - do it if I was in a group of people all headed to the store at ten AM on Halloween.  But I wouldn't like it.

I would definitely do it if I had a child that was wearing his or her costume with me and we were part of a matched set.  And this was technically the case, but Jack was bundled up under his car seat cover thing so that only his face showed.  Plus his costume consists of a onesie, diaper, and a strip of fabric pinned across his shoulder so it hardly counts.

But there I was in any case in all my Halloween glory.  I zipped my sweater over the top of my costume, but it was still pretty obvious that I was a 25-year-old, essentially alone woman dressed up to celebrate.  If nothing else the fact that I was wearing flip-flops in 40 degree weather was enough to give it away.

I'm sure no one really noticed or even cared, especially since I had an adorable little toot in my cart snoozing away, but unfortunately that kind of thing doesn't matter when you're self-conscious like me.  I suppose that being a mom now I'll just have to stop giving a darn about potentially embarrassing situations cause if there's anything I know about kids...

Anyway the whole reason I was at Walmart was to get candy for trick or treaters.  I know.  I'm that person, the one who doesn't buy Halloween candy until the day of.  But you've got to understand something.  I've purchased an overabundance of candy for each of the past three Halloweens in anticipation of all the little darlings that would flock to my front door now that I lived among people with children again.  And I got the good stuff too!  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Milky Ways, Twix - you name it.  But in all three of the past Halloweens combined, I think our door has been knocked upon a total of twice.

Here is where I am something of an oxymoron.  I'm incredibly enthusiastic about holidays to the point where I even packed a Halloween-themed lunch for my husband today.  My adult husband.  And yet I can't even get up the courage to openly wear my costume to Walmart.

My point is, though, that when you are that enthusiastic and excited about something, it can be a bit of a disappointment when your expectations are crushed.  So up until this morning I hadn't bought Halloween candy.

Yesterday when I realized I hadn't done that yet, I tentatively allowed my trick-or-treaters expectations to elevate.  We live in a complex of townhomes - house after house after house.  There are no stairs to ascend to get to our front door.  And we finally live in a ward where the primary is actually larger than the nursery.  These are ideal circumstances for Halloween candy distributing success!

(Wow I really sound like a creeper.)

So the trip to Walmart was essential.  Except on Halloween day, they are out of all of the good stuff.  No Reese's.  No Milky Ways.  No Twix.  Just plain, old, leave in the bottom of you pillowcase until next Halloween, generic.

Great.  I just set us up to be that house.  You know the house.  The one that everyone learns to skip cause trick-or-treating time is precious.  You have to maximize your good candy profits by hitting only the very best homes with your sweet tooth solicitations.  We're the house that will earn a black mark this year because it's not common knowledge that we have crappy candy and so trick or treaters will still knock on our door and then come away in grumpy spirits because we wasted their time with our generic treats.  Our house will be the reason why there will be so many ticked off pirates, zombie skate-boarders, and Egyptian princesses in our neighborhood tonight.  My hopes is that they are all still to young to think to egg my garage.

Just wait til next year, neighborhood kids.  Next year I will be prepared.  Next year I'm going to have mind-blowingly good candy in my trick-or-treat cauldron.  But you won't get any cause you blacklisted my house already.  So poo-poo on you.

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