The Non-Prank

For the past couple of weeks, I've woken up in what I've thought was the middle of the night to a soft beeping. It sounded like a watch alarm, but it would end really quickly. At first, I thought I was just imagining it.

But if that was true, I was imagining it every night. That's just silly.

Then, I thought it was the alarm of our next-door neighbors, and I remember thinking, man that sucks that they have to get up at such a whacked-out time.

But then I decided that wasn't really logical. If I can't hear anything else from them, why should I be able to hear their alarm?

Next I thought someone was playing a prank on us. Someone had hidden a watch somewhere in our room and set it to go off at a time when they knew we would be asleep.

But that's not as good of a prank as it could be. I mean, the alarm only goes off for a few seconds, and then it stops. I mean, it goes off for long enough for me to hear it and wake up, but not long enough for me to be annoyed enough to get out of bed and actually go find it to shut it off. I'd go right back to sleep, so it's not like the alarmed ruined my beauty rest. Plus, it only would wake me up, and that's only because I'm a light sleeper. Any heavier sleeper (like Lewis) would sleep right through it. I like to think I associate with more devious mastermind types, the likes of which would have thought this out better. Of course, I suppose the fact that it woke me up every night for so long is actually pretty crafty.

Then, on Tuesday morning, I discovered the actual time the alarm went off. I thought it was the middle of the night, but no, no, no. Lewis had work at 6 AM, so he had gotten up to get ready. Right as he was coming in our room to say goodbye, the alarm went off - at 5:50. Just an hour before I get up anyway. Plus, Lewis heard it too, so I knew I wasn't just crazy. I checked the next two mornings and sure enough, it went off at 5:50 both mornings.

By the time we were both up and at 'em and able to do something about the alarm, we would forget, so it stayed hidden for a little while. Until last night, right before we went to bed. We tore apart our bedroom looking for it. When Lewis located the culprit, it was found to be an old watch from his mission. We think that, a few weeks before, Lewis had been playing with that watch and had inadvertently turned the alarm on. Mystery? Solved.

The alarm is off now. Thank goodness.

Aurora Borealis

The other day, Lewis and my mom were talking and somehow came to the realization that when I was born, my family and Lewis' family lived in the same stake. For some reason, in my brain I pictured the beginning scene from Sleeping Beauty when Princess Aurora is born and they bring Prince Phillip to meet her and say, "Hey kid this is your future wife." But instead of being excited about that, he scrunches his nose like he's thinking, "Are you for reals? That thing is gross."

Because I'm sure that's exactly how it went down in western Provo when I was born. Like our families even knew each other.

And then I thought of the name Aurora again which made me think of Aurora Borealis, hence the name of this post.

The End.

See, we're not like Titanic, we're like Sleeping Beauty. Much more better.

Tying Up Some Loose Ends

Dear Laura,

Here is the picture of our new table you requested . And also one of the pathetickness of our broken table.

As you might be able to tell from Lewis' body language, it was a really long, tiring, and eventful day. When we have the time/resources/ know-how, we're going to reupholster the seats. I'm thinking a brown and green striped fabric or something to match our towels.

We stored our broken table on our neighbor's doorstep until we got around to moving it (it's heavy!). Luckily, no one lived there, or they would be mad! I know I would, anyway.

Love from,

Alyssa

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Dear Holli,

This is the nightie you gave me at that bridal shower. I can't decide if I like this one better, or the one from my previous post. Alls I know is that I need to keep this one in good repair for the next Hirschi relative to wed. So far so good. Actually, I think this picture is the only time I've ever put the nightie on, and it was taken just last night!

Obviously, I am a hottie hot hot. Although it's a shame my hands got cut off. They were jazzy.

Love from,

Alyssa

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Dear EFY Boys,

If I can not only smell but be overwhelmed by your cologne from twenty paces behind you, you're wearing too much. Also, Axe? Tag? Acqua Di Gio? Really? Show some originality, please.

No love from,

Alyssa

Mobility Photography

The thought occurred to me today that I have a whole slew of random pictures on my phone that I don't really do anything with. I mean, probably the only time I've ever uploaded pictures from my phone to the introwebs (or anywhere) was for the April snowstorm debacle. And I'm sure no one wants to relive that.

But I've got some pretty awesome photos on my phone. Well, they're okay. In any case, I'm going to post them here, mostly because Facebook doesn't offer mobile services for T-mobile (I know, right?).

I've divided them into two categories:

1. Pictures others have taken of themselves.

I leave my phone on my desk alone for ten minutes, and this becomes my wall paper.

Something similar happened here. Although the background offers no clues to this picture's origin.

This next one was from Lewis trying to be cute. Or something. Either way, it was while we were in bed and I did not want my picture taken. That sounds dirty.

I think this one speaks for itself. Clearly, it is the reason I married Lewis.


This is another one that magically appeared as my wallpaper when I left my phone on my desk. I think this one is Lew's caller ID picture now.


And then one of me, that I took right after I got this phone, before I let myself go and also to tell my friends that I finally joined the 21st century and got a camera phone.


2. Pictures of people/things I deemed worthy.

Misprints in the Daily Universe.


Celebrations.

Evie.


Nature.


Weirdies.


And, of course, my own personal sexiness. Like the nightie?


Enjoy!

I'm an ARTIST!

When I read the title of this post, I say it in my brain like Shrek says, "I'm an ogre! Yaaaarrr!" so you should say it like that too. Just so you know.

So, it's Friday night and I'm sitting at home alone, watching Dateline and decided I should share with you all of my amazing artwork. You see, over the past month or so, I've developed quite the talent. Lewis and I have been taking an Art for the Elementary Classroom class together, and pretty much I am rocking it.

Well... compared to my previous artistic abilities, that is. I am rocking it compared to those. Sort of. You be the judge. But don't you dare judge me, jerk.

These first two are blind contour drawings. If you notice, they are created with one continuous line (each). The first one is of Lewis (obviously. I can't believe you even had to ask) and the other one is my hand.













Next, we have a display of my abilities to make 3-D boxes. I know, right? I'm so cool.


I did this one on the day we explored negative spaces. We had to draw the spaces within a plant, like all up there among the leaves and shiz.


Now, I know you're probably bored now with all my black and whitedness. So here's some color. A color wheel, in fact. I mixed the paints myself. (By the way, I just saw a Juicey Juice commercial, and it told me that there is a Juicey Juice channel on YouTube. I didn't even know YouTube had channels. Dag, I am so out of the YouTube loop not being able to get it here!)


This painting is one I did the same day as the color wheel. Basically, I just extended the painting to fill the rest of the paper. The painting I used is the one of Joseph Smith greeting the Navuoo army peoples while a group of people looked on. Bet you thought there was a really big group of people watching. You were wrong. So sorry the photo is blurry.


A couple of class periods ago we started our crayon unit. The first thing we did was walk around campus and collect rubbings. The rubbings here include the letter A from the ASB sign, a Y from something that said BYU, the number 2004 and the word "women" in brail, a couple of ground textures, both sides of a dime, the bark of a tree, something about emergency power, maybe a grate... and a few other things I can't remember.


Here we have a brown paper cultural crayon art work. I chose to make mine like a Ghanian Adintra Bark Cloth. The symbol in the middle means fence; the ones on the top and the bottom are handcuffs; and the ones on either side are hourglass drums.


This little number is a sgraffito. I filled a page with patches of different colors and then colored over the whole thing with black. Then I scratched away my picture. This one used another Ghanian symbol in the middle (God's tree). The other designs are my experimentings.


Also as a part of the crayon unit, we made pretend stained glass. I drew my design and outlined it with a Sharpie sharp and then colored in the little stained glass sections. Then the whole thing was ironed to make it translucent. Pretty sweet, yo. Between this one and the sgraffito, though, my arm hurt pretty bad.


Next, I did a color-resist. I drew a picture and then painted over it with black watercolor paint, which was repelled by the crayon (mostly). It would have worked a little better if I had pressed harder with the crayon, but I kind of like how it turned out. It looks like night. It's supposed to be some trees on the bank of a river with a waterfall and mountains in the background. I messed up when I first started drawing the mountains cause I got distracted and forgot that I was still holding the blue crayon and hadn't picked up the white one yet. Whoops. In the end, I added some blue and purple to the paint to soften the black a little bit.


Don't worry! You're almost to the end! This is the last one for the crayon unit. It's a lamination. I grated a bunch of crayons (with a cheese grater, not my own) onto a sheet of wax paper. Then I put another sheet of wax paper on top of it and ironed them together. Then I cut it out to make this! If you look closely (or click on the photo), you can see that I gave it a face.


One other project I did was a retablo with a small cardboard box and salt dough. But it's not at home, so I don't have a photo of it. Maybe I'll post it another time. Maybe not.

These last two are silly ones I did a few months ago when I was bored and needed a creative release. Or maybe I was just being silly. Too bad for you, I'm forcing them upon you. What, what?! If my class ever does a photography unit, I'm totally using these.


Mmm, now I want me some M&Ms. Maybe I'll make some pudding.

Dear Freaky Deaky Vampire Man. You Suck.

There are some words/phrases/awesomeness that I consider my own. Not ones that I've copyrighted or anything, or even ones that I've made up. Just ones that I use. These are words/phrases/awesomeness that I use often enough that I take pride when someone close to me uses.

For example, snap. I say that all the time. The other day, Lewis said that. It brought joy unto my soul and warmed my heart. He also called me the bomb-diggity yesterday. That's a favorite.

Now, I certainly don't claim any sort of exclusive rights to these words/phrases/awesomeness. Like I said, it gladdened me when Lewis used them. And I would be 100% okay with any of you, my dear blog readers, if you were to use "for shiz, yo." In fact, I encourage it. For shiz!

But sometimes, a certain, ahem, stigma, can be attached to a word/phrase/awesomeness. Lets look at snap one more time. I started using snap in the eighth grade, although I limited my use because I didn't want to appear to be too much of a cracker. But, oh, how I love that word. And then - then! - that stupid, stupid Disney Channel Original Series came out - That's So Raven. Raven said snap all the freaking time! I was highly disappointed. I wanted to keep snap. I didn't want to give it up. But That's So Raven? Really?

I tried switching to snapple for a while, but it just didn't have the same ring. I was inches away from dropping snap when I decided that I just didn't care. It was a Disney Channel Original Series after all. Nobody watches that.

And as we all know, snap has come to mean so much more for me. Sunday Nap, anyone?

But yesterday - oh, but yesterday - Lewis told me about something that went down at the Home Depot, aka his place of employ. Someone said, over the intercom or the radio or something, "In the immortal words of Edward Cullem(n?), chillax."

Whiskey. Tango. Hotel?

The undead Cedric Diggory uses my word?!

Now, I'm okay with all a'y'all reading Twilight. Whatevs. Go ahead. It's just not my cup of tea. It's like chick flicks. I just can't do 'em. And, of course, I can't have people thinking I've done 'em by using the word chillax. If it's a big enough part for someone at the Home Depot ("where men go to be men and women go to feel cool") to make the reference, it must be a fairly integral part of the books. (I can't see how, but no doubt...)

I do recognize that chillax has been around for a while. The combination of chill and relax is just natural. But I can't do it. I just can't do it. Not if my reputation is at stake. I am not a Twilight fan girl.

But it's cool if you are.

Feliz Dia de Mother!

You know that song they sing at the end of "A Muppet Family Christmas" when all the Sesame Street gang and Fraggle Rock chumps are there? The "Happy Holidays" one? Well, when ever I say "Happy Mother's Day," I hear it in my head to the tune of "Happy Holidays." It's weird.

Welcome, dear readers, to the goings-on of my head.

Anyway, I wanted to give a shout out to all those madres out there cause, basically, y'all are the bomb-diggity. Especially my mom. For shiz, yo.

But seriously, as far as moms go, mine is the bee's knees. She's always been there for me, ain't no mountain high nor valley low nor river wide enough, baby, to keep her from getting to me. The wonders of the interwebs help cause they allow us to speak on the phone whenever we want.

Here are 10 things that make my mom cooler than yours:

1. She's ridden an ostrich.

2. She raised four kids, and when they were almost all grown, went back for one more. He keeps her young.

3. She let me skip school to go to the movies with her cause she didn't want to go with just Joseph.

4. She knows more about Star Trek than anyone I know. That's important now, cause of the new movie being so awesome.

5. Her dessert fetched the most out of anyone's dessert at our "Pay-for-Girls'-Camp Dessert Auction."

6. She says Joseph is the king of multitasking, but I think I know where he learned it from. She catches up on her reading while she does her hair and make-up. I still haven't figured out how.

7. She's a great example to me of service. She just cares about peeps.

8. Her favorite character in Star Wars: Episode 1 is Darth Maul, because his make-up looks so cool. Her favorite character in the Lord of the Rings is Legolas, because he's dreamy. Orlando Bloom is just okay.

9. She can read "Fox in Socks" faster than anyone. No, really. Try and challenge her.

10. She loves her family so much. You think about the most you've ever loved anyone and add a billion. That's how much she loves all of us. And you can take that to the bank.

Happy Mother's Day, Momsie. I love you lots and lots. And lots.

Of course, I can't close a Mother's Day post without also mentioning my mother-in-law. This is the first Mother's Day when she's been my mother-in-law, after all. You know how people complain about their mothers-in-law, like, all the time? Take, for example, the mom in Everybody Loves Raymund. Well, my mother-in-law is nothing like that. You'd think that, with a mom as awesome as mine, I'd have filled my quota as far as mothers go and I'd end up with a crappy mother-in-law. This is not the case. Pretty much, my mother-in-law could beat up your mother-in-law.
No, really. She's the best. She takes such good care of Lewis and me. All the time. She lets us come over whenever we want. Really. One of my favorite places to hang out is at my in-laws' house. How many people can say that? More than anything, she wants to see all of her children succeed. She loves and cares about all of them so much and just wants the best for them. That's something you can feel, not just know.

Moral of the story? You should be jealous of me and my super sweet moms.

I Heart Nerds

Today is Cinco de Mayo. But I don't care about that right now. I want to talk about yesterday.

I saw on someone's facebook profile that yesterday was Star Wars day - May the Fourth be with you. Since Lewis is the fan of all Star Wars fans (really. I think he even beats my dad.), I asked if he knew that. He said, wait, shouldn't Star Wars day really be May 25th? Cause the first movie came out on that day in 1977.

Yeah. I love him.

And may the Force be with you all.

Teacher Teach

14 - number of credit hours I'm taking during spring and summer terms.
17.5 - number of credit hours I'm taking during fall semester.
3 - number of hours my art class lasts each Tuesday and Thursday.
8 - number of hours I spend each week in my math class.
10 - number of hours I spent on homework this weekend, after having spent only four days in classes so far this term.

Who knew learning how to teach little crumb grinders took so much time? And I just started!

The End.

Today is the last day of my internship. To say goodbye to all of my kids has been pretty sad. As far as some of them go, I am really quite ready to say goodbye. But for a lot of them, I'm not happy at all about leaving.

On Tuesdays, I meet with this one student who, when I started meeting with her, had absolutely zero respect for anyone around her, especially those in authority. I don't feel like I've made a lot of progress with her, and we've definitely had some hard times together. Like how every time I go to pick her up she flatly refuses to go until I or her teacher tells her that she can go to the principal's office instead. Or like the time we made each other cry. But today, in our goodbye party, she did something that I never would have expected from her. She apologized. She said she was sorry for her bad behavior and that she is trying to be good. I was floored. Suddenly saying goodbye to her was a lot harder.

Another sad thing about my goodbyes is the number of students who haven't been here on our last day. One of my kindergarteners was sick, so no goodbye there. Two of my younger friendship group students just didn't show up for our meeting yesterday. And I just found out that the fourth grade is on a field trip today, so three-fifths of my older friendship group will be gone. It almost makes me wonder if my philosophy on goodbyes was right after all.

I hate saying goodbye. My family moved all the time when I was growing up and every time we left an area, I would resist saying goodbye to my friends at all costs. I'd rather just spend time with them like I always do, without any differences than have a drawn out sadness over a goodbye. I hate it so, so much. But my kids at this school are different. Many of them depend on me to be there at the same time every week. I wouldn't say that I don't think they would get along just fine with an Alyssa-style goodbye, but I do feel like I would be betraying their trust somehow if I was just all-of-a-sudden gone. And the last thing they need is cause to distrust another adult in their lives. So I will say goodbye to as many of them as I can. And I won't cry. I will not cry.

Dear Husband

It's 8:30 and I'm tired, but Lewis won't let me take a nap, so to get him back, I'm going to fill out this -

Concerning husbands:

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
Right this second, it's Planet Earth. Other favorites include the Office, 30 Rock, Law and Order, 24, and sportz. Especially college football. Go Cougs!

2. What kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
Typically ranch, but he'll spring for caesar if he's feeling daring.

3. What's one food he doesn't like?
Those candy circus peanuts. They just look gross.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink?
Dr. Pepper or pepsi. Sometimes root beer, sprite, or apple beer, but only sometimes.

5. Where did he go to high school?
Provo. It's nice cause our high schools have the same mascot.

6. What size shoe does he wear?
I asked him and he said, "I'm pretty sure you have to do this one on your own." So I don't know.

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
Signed footballs. We'd have a room just for them.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
The type from Subway. Chicken breast on wheat with provolone, tomatoes, green peppers, olives, lettuce, and a little bit of onion. I've ordered it once or twice.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
Moro bars. But not gross ones that melted on the way over here from New Zealand.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
Well, he really likes Marshmallow Mateys and Coco Roos, but the other day we found Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys - the best of both. Pretty sure that takes the cake. Or possibly pancake.

11. What would he never wear?
Red. Excepts for when Tiger is playing in the Masters or any other major golf tournament. On Sunday.

12. What is his favorite sports team?
The Brigham Young University Football Team. Followed by the San Francisco 49ers (he's a big fan of cousin Steve) and the Utah Jazz. Rounding out the top five are Cougar Basketball and Hockey (teams 2-4 are in no particular order)

13. Who did he vote for?
Gasp! Voter confidentiality, people! (Obama)

14. Who is his best friend?
Well, Bronco Mendenhall is his favorite person, but they're not really on speaking terms. So maybe me. Or Kyle or Royce - his BFFs.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
Take naps and be happy. Apparently.

16. What is his heritage?
Brigham's brothers. Two of 'em.

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?
Snap, I don't think I've baked him a cake before. I guess we've only ever celebrated one of his birthdays together (don't judge us), and his mom bought a Costco cake for it. So maybe pie.

18. Did he play sports in high school?
Football and hockey and ballroom dancing. And skiing.

19. What could he spend hours doing?
Watching football. And I could too.

20. What is one unique talent he has?
I would tell you, but my mom reads my blog.

Super Lyssa!

I challenge you to be as awesome as me. I have a final paper due on Friday for my internship class. Ten pages + eight professional references + two church-related references = a pain in anyone's butt. But I got it done today in THREE HOURS AND FIFTEEN MINUTES. And I didn't even have to alter the margins to 1.15 inches or make the font 12.5 to make it seem longer... I wrote an extra half a page as is! Plus I added a chart I talked about in it as an appendix. PLUS I really put thought in to it and didn't do a sloppy job... yeah. I'm that awesome.

Go ahead and try. I freaking challenge you.

Dear Facebook... Pretty Much You Owe Me Big

Like much of the world, I am a Facebook user. Unlike much of the world, I have been on Facebook for four and a half years.

It's true! Back when I joined, Facebook was exclusive. It was only open to colleges, and a limited number at that. Shortly after BYU was added to their growing list (circa September 2004), a friend of mine from Dartmouth sent me an invite and I began my four and a half year long (and counting!) journey.

Back when I joined Facebook:

-It was known as TheFacebook - I remember when the "The" was dropped.

-You could only join a group if it was made for your network.

-You could browse all the groups in your network. There were maybe 10 when I joined.

-I created one of those first groups. It was about pirates.

-We were impressed when we got over 100 members in the group, and kept pushing towards 200.

-You could also browse all the people in your network. There were maybe 30 when I joined.

-Mini feed? What's that?

-You could write something on someone's wall, and someone else could edit what you wrote.

-Other than your profile picture, you couldn't post any photos to your profile.

-It was acceptable to add people you didn't know to your friend list. A good chunk of my "friends" were people I had never heard of.

-When someone updated their profile, it didn't say what they updated.

-There were none of these annoying applications. No one cared which Harry Potter character you are.

-There was an actual face to represent Facebook. He was blue, and made out of numbers.

-Gifts? I don't get it.

As I'm sure you can tell - no doubt much of this sounds foreign to you, unlike any Facebook you know of - I've been around this website for a while. I know it's ins and outs and what it was like, you know, back in the day.

So, it's been established: I've been on Facebook for some time. In my long and prolific history with the social networking phenomenon, I have brought many people into the fold. I think it's fair to say that each of my immediate family members except for my dad joined because of me... two of my freshman roommates joined because of me... various co-workers and other friends also have me to thank for their introduction to the site. And who knows how many of them were the cause of their friends and family members to join! The list could go on and on.

What I'm trying to say is, Facebook, you have upwards of 175 million users, right? Isn't it fair to say that I had a hand, direct or indirect, in a decent-sized percentage of that 175 mil? Don't you think it's time to thank me for my loyal service? I'd like a slice of that lucrative financial pie. I'll take cash, check, or PayPal. Whichever is convenient to you. Also, you're welcome.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

That's right, my friends, it's Girl Scout Cookie time! About a month ago, a lady at my internship approached me with an order form on behalf of her daughter and, shoot. How could I say no? I ordered three boxes. And let me tell you what, it was a hard, hard thing to narrow it down to just three boxes. I would have gotten more, but they are $3.50 a pop.

While I love them and will never not buy them when presented with opportunity, I do have an issue with Girl Scout Cookies. And that issue is simple: volume. There is simply too much wasted space in a Girl Scout Cookie box that could be taken up with more cookies. Trays, please. Cellophane wrap, what's that? Unnecessary space wasters that's what it is. They only cookie the package decently is the Thin Mint. They cram 36 of those suckers into one box! Tagalongs and Samoas only come with 15! Why can't they package them like the Thin Mints? Aren't all Girl Scout Cookies created equal?

The simple truth is that, no, not all Girl Scout Cookies are created equal. Certain varieties simply just superior to others. Allow me to break it down for you.

The Thin Mint: the most well-known of all the Girl Scout Cookies, the Thin Mint is a thin, mint flavored wafer covered in dark chocolate. Good frozen, room temperature, or slammed (ask Lewis for more information about cookie slamming).

The Samoa: also known as the Caramel DeLite, the Samoa is the most popular of the Girl Scout Cookies, not to be confused with the country of the same name. Currently, 25% of boxes sold are Samoas. It is a round cookie with a hole in the middle, covered with caramel and coconut, and then drizzled with dark chocolate. It should be noted that the Thin Mint and the Samoa are among the few food items that have successfully integrated dark chocolate into society as their main focus, and not as a variety. There are no milk chocolate Samoas or Thin Mints, nor should there be. Basically nothing else can say that.

The Tagalong: also known as the Peanut Butter Pattie, the Tagalong is a round cookie with a layer of peanut butter covered in milk chocolate. This used to be my favorite Girl Scout Cookie, but recently I've decided that it's just okay. I mean, I'm always down for combination of peanut butter and chocolate, but the peanut butter in this cookie is just this side of bland. That doesn't stop me from buying a box, though maybe that's more for tradition than anything else.

The Do-si-do: don't ask me why, but where the Girl Scouts failed with Tagalongs, they succeeded with Do-si-dos. The peanut butter in this cookie is spot on. Maybe it's because the Do-si-do doesn't have a milk chocolate layer to compete with. Maybe it's because the Girl Scouts outsource cookie production to multiple food companies. Whatever the reason, the Do-si-do is an oatmeal cookie sandwich with a layer of peanut butter squeezed in the middle, smack dab in the middle. I didn't buy any, though. The Do-si-do offers me nothing unique. The same kind of cookie can be found on grocery store shelves year round. It's just a different brand.

The Trefoil: this is a shortbread cookie, with the - get this - Girl Scout Trefoil design. While I'm not entirely sure what a trefoil is (or wasn't, until I looked it up on Wikipedia), it's a very nice design. The cookie, however, is meh. I have no strong feelings about shortbread. It's probably fair to say that on any given day I will not give shortbread a single thought. Shortbread and I just don't have any sort of relationship. We can coexist peacefully, but don't expect me to spend money on it. I guess I'm mostly talking about shortbread by itself. Shortbread covered or filled with something else it an entirely different story and is called a Tagalong.

The All About or Thanks-A-Lot: this grateful cookie (also known as the Animal Treasure) is of the also of the shortbread variety, but with its bum dipped in fudge. It has the words, "Thank You" embossed on the top in English, Spanish, French, Chinese, and Swahili. I think all the languages are featured in each box - sort of like a boxed United Nations. Having never sampled this cookie, I have no opinion on them beyond wondering where the name "Animal Treasure" comes in. I don't need the Girl Scouts' gratitude.

The Lemon Chalet Creme: I think it's best to let the Girl Scouts themselves explain this cookie: "Featuring a design of Our Chalet in Switzerland, a beloved Girl Scout World Center, this sandwich cookie has a touch of cinnamon-ginger spice that evokes the warmth of a fireside chat on a snowy evening."

The Cinna-spin: this cookie only lasted a season, so I'm betting it's gross. It's a cinnamon flavor cookie that came in 100-calorie packs. Girl Scout Cookies can be appreciated even when you're trying to lose weight! At least they could in 2008.

The Daisy Go Round: I was wrong. You weight-watchers can still enjoy the Cookies of the Girl Scouts. The Daisy Go Round replaced the Cinna-spin for 2009, and they also come in 100-calorie packs. From what I gather, they are the exact same thing as Cinna-spins except they are shaped like daisies rather than cinnamon rolls. Apparently that's a more appealing shape. Or something.

The Sugar Free Chocolate Chip: this cookie makes me happy. I always get a smile when I see something delicious come in a sugar free variety, cause that means my grandpa with diabetes can partake. Guess that comes from a long time ago when I asked him how he could possibly eat strawberries without powdered sugar and then felt really guilty after when I realized the answer. These cookies were also introduced in 2008. They are chocolate-chip cookies that lack sugar. I'm surprised you didn't know that.

The Dulce De Leche: another new cookie for the current season, the Dulce De Leche contain caramel chips and are drizzled in more caramel. They sound delicious and make me wish I had heard about them a month ago when I ordered my cookies. Maybe we could have broken the "just okay" Tagalong cycle. But probably not.

The Lemonade: shaped like a lemon slice, this shortbread cookie is made with a tangy lemon icing. Whether the cookie is covered in the icing or the icing is sandwiched between two cookies I do not know. What I do know is that they should get rid of this unspecified pansy of a cookie and bring back the Lemon Cooler. That one was delicious.

A short list of retired Girl Scout Cookies: this list is by no means all-inclusive, and in fact came from only one website. I don't feel like doing more research.
The Lemon Cooler
The Double Dutch
The Ice Berry Piñata
The Ole Ole
The Aloha Chip
The Apple Cinnamon
The Lemon Drop
The Striped Chocolate Chip
The Snap (unrelated to Sunday naps)
The Juliette
The Golden Nut Cluster
The Trail Mix
The Cabana Creme
The Country Hearth Chocolate Chip
The Echo
The Chocolate Chunk
The Pecan Shortee
The Medallion
The Van'cho
The Forget-Me-Not
The Granola

Most of these I do not remember, although a few like the Double Dutch and the Striped Chocolate Chip sound familiar. My point is, I like Girl Scout Cookies, I'm happy I bought some, and I really need to have more to do on a Friday afternoon when my boss is out of town than answer his phone.

Facts of Life

I saw a sign today advertising a "Poetry Jam" on campus. At first I thought it was really stupid. How does one jam to poetry? It just didn't make sense.

Then I saw that the event was part of Black History Month. And that made think it was okay for it to be a Jam.

Does that make me a racist?

I Rebut That, Good Sir!

Dear Lewis,

I admire your willingness to stick to your guns. However, my dear husband, you have proven nothing.

You based your argument on the felicity conditions of a date. The problem with this is that felicity conditions are entirely subjective. True, according to your personal felicity conditions, what we did together at the TCU game could be considered a date. However, such conditions were decided upon just this evening as you wrote your response. You picked the conditions that fit your argument right then and there - how are we to trust that as reliable?

Your evidence - not proof - is circumstantial at best. According to Wikipedia, circumstantial evidence is "a collection of facts that, when considered together, can be used to infer a conclusion about something unknown." In a court of law, circumstantial evidence is usually corroborated by a witness' testimony. You will find that the witnesses are on my side. Mary understood that you hoped this would be a date, but that it was not. Aaron - that guy I gave my number to, my old home teacher and a very good friend who was also not interested in me - didn't see it as a date. Kelson obviously didn't see it as a date either! I'm sure you hoped it could have been a date, even planned for it to be a date. But the execution was just a shade too sloppy, and we were left with a nice hang-out with a group of friends. I guess I just don't understand how someone can be on a date and not know it.

But it's okay, babe. You can hang on to your subjective opinion and I'll hang on to mine. It keeps things interesting. Or spicy, as Phyllis Lapin-Vance might say. in any case, I appreciate you giving me a second chance, since in your mind I was such a horrible date. I do hope you find my actions justified in my continued understanding that I was not on a date.

Your loving wife,

Alyssa

Our First Date

For my first date with my husband, we doubled with some friends (the same friends that introduced us, no less) to see a movie. The movie we saw was Beowulf in IMAX 3-D. I remember what I wore, what we talked about in the car, even where we sat in the movie theater. I even held onto the ticket stub! After the date was over, Lewis kissed me for the very first time.

My memory of our first date was lovely and unspoiled until a few months after the fact when it was tainted by Lewis' unfortunate misconception.

You see, for some inconceivable reason, Lewis got the impression that our first date was one week and one day before we saw Beowulf. Let me make something perfectly clear: Lewis is wrong. He believes that for our first date we went to the BYU-TCU football game (hereafter: the TCU game). This was not a date. Again, Lewis is wrong.

The facts are these:

* Lewis asked me to go out on a date with him for the night we saw Beowulf.

* Lewis offered to let me and my roommate sit with him at the TCU game, because he had better seats than we did.

* Lewis picked me up and drove just the two of us to and from Beowulf.

* Lewis drove both my roommate and me to the TCU game, and drove us plus my brother home. I sat in the back.

* Lewis paid for my ticket to Beowulf.

* I paid for my own ticket to the TCU game.

* Beowulf involved two couples, clearly paired off.

* Our group at the TCU game involved a variety of individuals.

Now, I will admit that Lewis does have a compelling argument as to why the TCU game was our first date. He says that he put my keys in his pocket (I don't remember this, but I believe him when he says this occurred). He also says that he bought me hot chocolate (this I do remember). Both of these things were very thoughtful. I probably didn't bring a purse in which to put my keys, and I was undoubtedly cold, so hot chocolate would have warmed me right up. But these thoughtful actions do not a date make.

Also, we saw Beowulf on November 16th, 2007 - exactly nine months before our wedding day. Why would anyone want to take that lovely connection away?

The TCU game: not our first date.

The Double Lux

It is highly unlikely that I will ever be famous. I know that, you know that, we all now that. It is equally unlikely that I will ever be particularly wealthy. And I'm perfectly okay with that. My fulfillment will come from my family and our relationships and yadda yadda yadda. However, there are a few items that could be considered -ahem- material that I've pretty much decided I can't live without. When I have these items, these luxuries if you will, I'll know I am a financial success.

1. A washer and dryer of my very own, that reside in the same house as me
I hate laundromats. Oh, so much. Especially when it's cold and snowy and you have more than one basket to take over and the only time you have to do the laundry is when your husband is at work so he can't help you. And sometimes - especially when it's cold and snowy - people don't come back to get their clothes right after they're done so they sit in the dryer until they're stone cold and someone named me has to take them out of the dryer and dump them somewhere so she can use a freaking dryer cause they're all full! Not to mention the fact that the Police Beat recently featured a bit about a family whose clothes all got stolen from the laundromat I currently patronize. Not only does that make me afraid that my clothes will get stolen too, but it makes me feel slightly guilty cause what if the perps took the clothes I dumped out of a dryer so I could use it? And then I remember how very cold those clothes were and the only way they could get that cold is if they had been sitting in the dryer for at least an hour after it turned off so maybe those people deserved what they got. And then I feel guilty again.

My point is, I can't wait until I can just walk down the hall with a basket of clothes and turn the machines on and off at my leisure and not have to worry about my clothes getting stolen. Cause, seriously. If you manage to break into someone's house, are you really going to go for the clothes in the washing machine? More than likely, you'll probably snag whatever's in sight that looks valuable like our laptops or Wii.

I'm also looking forward to the time when I can put a stinky washcloth straight into the washer. Having a smelly washcloth that you can't do anything about cause laundry day's not til Saturday is the worst. It totally kills my mojo.

2. The History Channel
I swear - I swear! - that when I lived in the freshman dorms way back when, we had the History Channel. I swear it! And now I'm back to living on campus, with the same cable as back then, and the History Channel is no where it be found. I love this channel. History is one of my favorite topics, but I never did any good in the classes, so I haven't taken very many while I've been at school. The History Channel is the perfect compromise! I can learn to my heart's content about the most random things and then I'm able to spout off boring trivia like a party trick. And there's no exam! And it's presented in a much more appealing way on the History Channel than in any of my classes. AND, if I get bored with it, I can just change the channel or turn it off, or walk out of the room. It didn't go over so well when I tried that in History 201.

So, when we have the money to a afford a cable package that includes the History Channel, I know we will be a financial success. I cannot wait for this. I need my History's Mysteries. At least I have the Discovery Channel. If BYU cut both of those out of their cable, I'd be out of Wymount in a flash. Or in 60 days, as per the contract release agreement.

3. More than two counters in my kitchen
I know, right?! That's all we have. One of them used to be exclusively for the dish drain (no dishwasher either), but we moved that to sit inside the sink (made a world of difference). The other counter usually has all the dirty dishes stacked on it - which, true, does give us the motivation to keep them clean, so we can use that space. For the most part, however, we tend to do our food preparation on the kitchen table - which means it's always covered with junk too. My dream is to have an island in my kitchen for counter space, and also which has a range right on it. Then maybe I could also have two ovens, one on top of the other. And a place to put a microwave. But I digress. At this point, I'd be plenty satisfied with just a third counter.

So that's what's up, G. I imagine that this post might get an encore as I think of more stuff I can't live without. In the meantime, does anyone want to let me come over to watch Modern Marvels?

The Hardy Boy

Certain people have reminded me that I haven't thingyed in a while. Certain people should keep in mind that it has also been over a month since their last thingy and certain people should fix this grievous misstep. You know who you are.

Anyway, to business. Today's thingy tells the tale of a casual trip to the local Wal-Mart that ended up being a surprisingly delightful outing. Lewis and I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some items that I needed. After collecting all of the necessary particulars, we got in line behind and elderly couple. As soon as we walked up, the male half of the pair turned around and asked Lewis what on earth he was doing walking around with such a beautiful young lady! Of course he won my heart right then and there. We enjoyed talking with this fellow, named Mr. Hardy, learning that he was born in 1918 and that he'll be 90 next month ("What month is it today?"), which we were shocked to learn (he looks great for his age). The whole conversation was thoroughly enjoyable. He approved of Lewis's Utah Jazz hat and his blue shirt. He told us about how beautiful his wife is. It was a gem of an encounter.

Mr. Hardy and his wife have been married for 69 years. Upon learning this, we of course were curious to know what their secret was; how they made a marriage last for nearly 70 years. When Lewis asked him this, I was expecting the answer to be "patience" or "kindness" or maybe "selflessness". But instead, Mr. Hardy proclaimed that the secret is "to have a good last name!"

So there you have it. Mr. Hardy's got it made. All you Sicks and Deads out there? (those are real last names: I checked) You're screwed.

Names Are Cool!

Names are really interesting to me. I like learning the meaning of names and finding out why parents name their children what they do. Tonight, we were looking up our names to find out the meanings of them. It is generally agreed that my name means "of good cheer" or "noble/of noble birth". Other definitions include "wise" or "logical' or "rational". Makes perfect sense, no?

Then explain me this:

LYSSA according to Wikipedia:

The Greek goddess of rabies and mad rage, Lyssa was one of the Maniae (madnesses), a nurse of Eros and a daughter of Nyx, who was impregnated by the blood from the wound of the castrated Uranus. Lyssa's most famous (if not only) mythology is that she was the goddess who drove mad the dogs of the youth Actaeon to kill their master, after the hunter had glanced upon the nakedness of a bathing Artemis, and did not look away. Lyssa is commonly referred to as the Greek goddess of craziness, but this is untrue.

So basically my name is just ironic.