Touche, Mary Anne. Touche.

On Monday morning, I was rudely awaken at 9:02 by a phone call for Mary Anne Miller. This would be the start of roughly half a dozen phone calls, all for Miss Mary Anne (actually, during the course of the first phone call, I received a second call, but that was just a recorded message. I thought that was weird, but I didn't realize until later that the recorded message was also for Mary Anne). I finally asked one of the callers where he had gotten this number, and he informed me that Miss Mary Anne had filled out a form requesting information on health insurance and apparently she put down the wrong number on the form. Apparently.

The Mary Anne Miller calls have been problematic for several reasons:

1. I was still asleep at 9:02 am on Monday morning. It was a holiday and although I did not mean to sleep in that late (9:02 became 10:31 suspiciously quickly), I did anyway and a wrong number phone calls is not a desirable way to be woken up on a day off. Or two wrong number phone calls for that matter (I'm glad the second one was a recording because I just yelled "NO" into the phone and hung it up. Hmm, I hope it really was a recording).

2. I don't get very many phone calls and tend to get quite excited when a phone call does present itself and having them all be wrong numbers is rather disheartening.

Okay, I just have two problematic reasons, but they are extensive!

This whole Mary Anne Miller situation has given me pause to consider how it happened that Miss Miller put my phone number on her insurance information form. Here are some possible solutions:

1. Our numbers are just a digit off and she accidentally typed in a 3 instead of a 2.

2. She filled out the form by hand and her 4s look like 9s.

3. There was an incentive for filling out a form, but she didn't want to be hassled by insurance salespeople, so she put down a fake number.

4. Mary Anne Miller is actually an ex-boyfriend of mine or some acquaintance that I've wronged in some way and s/he is enacting some twisted revenge plot by cruelly siccing insurance salespeople on me. If that's the case, then the jokes on shim! All the callers have been very polite once I tell them I am not who they intended to talk to. Except for the recording I yelled at.

In any case, the calls have stopped so maybe word got out that I am not Mary Anne Miller. Good thing, too, because I was about to track down Miss Miller myself so I could give the callers her correct number. Although maybe she is in desperate need of health insurance and will now die because the callers are calling me instead of calling her. Goodness, I hope not.

The Non-Prank

For the past couple of weeks, I've woken up in what I've thought was the middle of the night to a soft beeping. It sounded like a watch alarm, but it would end really quickly. At first, I thought I was just imagining it.

But if that was true, I was imagining it every night. That's just silly.

Then, I thought it was the alarm of our next-door neighbors, and I remember thinking, man that sucks that they have to get up at such a whacked-out time.

But then I decided that wasn't really logical. If I can't hear anything else from them, why should I be able to hear their alarm?

Next I thought someone was playing a prank on us. Someone had hidden a watch somewhere in our room and set it to go off at a time when they knew we would be asleep.

But that's not as good of a prank as it could be. I mean, the alarm only goes off for a few seconds, and then it stops. I mean, it goes off for long enough for me to hear it and wake up, but not long enough for me to be annoyed enough to get out of bed and actually go find it to shut it off. I'd go right back to sleep, so it's not like the alarmed ruined my beauty rest. Plus, it only would wake me up, and that's only because I'm a light sleeper. Any heavier sleeper (like Lewis) would sleep right through it. I like to think I associate with more devious mastermind types, the likes of which would have thought this out better. Of course, I suppose the fact that it woke me up every night for so long is actually pretty crafty.

Then, on Tuesday morning, I discovered the actual time the alarm went off. I thought it was the middle of the night, but no, no, no. Lewis had work at 6 AM, so he had gotten up to get ready. Right as he was coming in our room to say goodbye, the alarm went off - at 5:50. Just an hour before I get up anyway. Plus, Lewis heard it too, so I knew I wasn't just crazy. I checked the next two mornings and sure enough, it went off at 5:50 both mornings.

By the time we were both up and at 'em and able to do something about the alarm, we would forget, so it stayed hidden for a little while. Until last night, right before we went to bed. We tore apart our bedroom looking for it. When Lewis located the culprit, it was found to be an old watch from his mission. We think that, a few weeks before, Lewis had been playing with that watch and had inadvertently turned the alarm on. Mystery? Solved.

The alarm is off now. Thank goodness.

No Good Deed...

We all know the saying: no good deed goes unpunished. The common interpretation is, even if you do something nice, you'll get crap. Like if you bring cookies to the teacher to be a sweetie and all of your classmates make fun of you for being a suck up (note to all of my future students: who cares what your classmates think? I will love you forever for bringing me cookies).

But how's this for another interpretation: Someone does what appears to be a good deed, and the person they are doing the so-called good deed for ends up punished.

Let me offer a couple examples to illustrate my point.

1. Say you get a bottle of root beer from the fridge. And say you need to open said bottle, but your personal strength and tolerance for poky metal does not extend to this task. So you ask your main man, the husband, for assistance. He does so gladly - nay, enthusiastically! And cheerfully hands the bottle to you. And then watches you closely as you put the bottle to your lips. And laughs as you spew cause it was actually a bottle of non-alcoholic beer.

2. Say it's time to take a shower. And say you're really tired, and your personal strength and tolerance for walking all the way down the hall does not want to extend to this task. So you jokingly ask your main man, the husband, to carry you to the shower. And even as you protest saying, "jk!," he carries you anyway, fully clothed, and places you in the shower. And turns on the water. And reaches for the switch to make the water come out of the shower head.

But by now you're hip to the hop and you manage to shut off the water before it soaks your clothes. Luckily you weren't wearing socks and just your feet got wet.

My point is... what is my point? Lewis is going to pay for all this? Yeah. That's it.

Things I Learned at Lagoon

1. Disney has not yet noticed that Lagoon ripped off one of the lines from Pirates of the Caribbean for their Terroride.
2. If you are bleeding from the head profusely, you should sit down.
3. Teenage girls who leave the line right before getting on the free fall Rocket ride will be made fun of by complete strangers.
4. Funnel cake doesn't really change its shape during digestion. Just its color and viscosity.
5. I don't care if Kanye and Paris wear them. Shutter shades are stupid.
6. When you go to check out the pair of tigers Lagoon has in a cage for your viewing pleasure, they roar at each other in a menacing fashion, and almost get into a real cat fight, you will worry when you come back and they are gone.
7. The first aid station gives out band aids with Taz on them.
8. Lagoon really ought to properly train their employees on the credit card machine before leaving them to man the ice cream shoppe on their own.
9. If you are dumb enough to go on the Rattlesnake Rapids in 40 degree weather, you deserve to be shot by a 25 cent water pistol. Lagoon should understand this and make sure their 25 cent water pistols are in good repair.
10. It's rather pathetic when your hands are so cold that you turn mood rings and necklaces black. I could only get my old mood necklace to go black when I put it in the freezer.

Snow Day

Tuesday night Lewis and I enjoyed each other's company listening to the pouring rain with the window open. It was delightful! And also quite relaxing.

Wednesday morning we continued to enjoy the rain as we lay in bed well past the time we should get up.

Wednesday afternoon the rain turned into wet, sticky snow.

Wednesday evening we went over to Lewis' parents' house to watch Flash Gordon with his brother. Throughout the duration of the movie, the snow continued to fall and began to accumulate quite rapidly. By the time we left to go home, the roads were so bad we decided to turn around and go back.

Wednesday night we slept at Lewis' parents' house.

Thursday morning we woke up to a foot of snow on the ground.

Thursday is today, April 16th. Almost a month after the spring equinox.

Whiskey. Tango. Hotel?

Okay, Weather. Fine. You win. Over the past few months I've been trying to tell you how you should behave, only to be met with steadily worsening conditions. Clearly you've been trying to prove a point. I mean, how dare I tell you how to go about your business? It's not my place. I should be bowing down to your magnanimous power, not sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong. I get it now. I've learned my lesson. You win, Weather. You win. Touché.

For my readers' delight, here are some pictures from this morning, taken by my cell phone:

My in-laws' deck at 0700 hours.


The tree in their front yard. Lots of snow and
blossomed trees do not a good combination make.

See those little bits of yellow poking through?
Probably not. This is where my father-in-law
planted his now poor, frozen daffodils.

A slightly more fortunate tree across the street.

And for my own delight, here's an absolutely charming picture of Lewis:

After taking out his contact lenses for the night and
subsequently becoming blind, Lewis discovered that
his dad's eye prescription is quite similar to his own.

In other news, does anyone else find it heartily hilarious that the one day of the school year that could qualify as a snow day under Provo School District standards (a foot after midnight) happened during spring break?

April Fools Day

I just had an appointment with a first grader. When he saw me, he said, "There's a booger hanging out of your nose. " Since I've been sick, this was entirely plausible, but as I touched my nose to check, he shouted "April fools!" He got me. He got me good.

In other news:

Dear Weather,

I don't know if you noticed, but it's April. Just thought I'd point that out to you, cause judging by the snow and ice I had to remove from my car this morning, you forgot.

Cordially,

Alyssa Young